a'an ÁKÁDÉMÍKS

2007-06-25T11:07:00.000+08:00

after reading azam's entry, i suddenly feel like making a new one.

well, first of all, let me start off with faisal's advanced birthday celebration last saturday (23rd june) which took place at ecp pit 19. i expected a huge turnout honestly cos i heard his gf invited not only his secondary mates but also his colleagues, primary sch friends, cousins and ngee ann mates. eme and i reached quite late cos of some stuff. all my close friends were present. i could see that faisal was really happy that day. this coming friday's his birthday, so HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY la faisal!the food was great, particularly the ayam la. the rempah ratus beratus the nenek put was very different from all the chickens i've tasted. we became so thirsty after eating that most of us finished the chilled drinks there. so eme and i made our way to 7 11 to buy some water. (she went to mac's toilet first to pee). bumped into abg heerman and kak ayu while we were in 7 11. bought us some drinks and headed back to the pit. we left the place quite late but however, fortunately, we managed to catch the last bus that passes city hall. and what happened after that, i shall not elaborate it here.

i went home feeling quite scared la. diah and i knew that both of us were in trouble.
i miss eme so much.

ok, now, the best part, yesterday!
finally, my team got to go against my family team! and boy, it turned out to be so gooooood. as i expected, the opponents had a lot of possession of the ball, especially during 1st half. i didn't start the 1st half for tactical reasons and i was standing outside, enjoying the game. my dad was great that day. if noone from my team didn't notice him or not impressed by his skills, flair and technique, i would say they're blind. the opponents scored first as Abg Bob put his name first on the scoresheet.
then minutes after that, we gave a penalty to the opponents when Leonie (or whatever his name is) handled the ball very stupidly in our own box. my uncle stepped up..... and shot straight towards Wesley, my goalie, which Wesley cleared with his right foot. still 1-0 down then.. then suddenly yun got injured (or i should say, shagged). coach called me to replace him. my big family that came down to support my family team (they always come down, that's i love the team so much) were cheekily saying aloud, "hero nak masuk ah". coach told me i was going to play my favourite position which is attacking mid.
10 mins went by and i think i only got possession of the ball once though i made some tackles. seconds after that, azam was making a solo attack up front. i decided to follow up in case of loose ball or sthg. and it did happen. i took the loose ball and drove the ball down hard with a half-volley straight to the corner of the goal. 1-1! i felt happy but sorry at the same time. faisal came on in the dying minutes of the 1st half and started the 2nd half but his playing was shortlived cos his tapak boot tercabut. i really pity him la. he must have felt disappointed for not able to contribute much. i didn;t enjoy the 2nd half as much as the 1st one. some people are just not meant to play football la. sorry to say. 15 mins into the 2nd half, something happened. the opponent attacked from the flank and a loose ball went nicely toward my dad. the loose ball came from a height of approximately 4 metres which i dont think any player could volley it nicely..but abah did it and he made it look so easy. the ball went into the top right hand corner. faisal looked at me, lips bridged down on the ends with his head noddin slowly, acknowledging what had happened. i just want everyone to know how great a player my abah is. and from his first-time volley, i'm sure all my teammates know.
we were 2-1 down. then opportunist goal from the opponents made it 3-1. by then, i felt there was no way for us to win. coach replaced me cos he knew i wasn't enjoying and that my right ankle was really giving me difficulties. must be archilles. azam came on when i limped off. the boy really made his chances count. he earned a penalty single-handedly and converted it home. 3-2. taufiq (our unsung hero) made alot of last minute tackles at the back which saved us from further humiliation. he should be the man-of the-match. (not azam hehe). too bad taufiq had to play with under-qualified centre backs. if not for taufiq....haiz.
we attacked alot and one chance came to azam. he had one guy to beat in order to pass the ball to siva or one-on-one with the keeper. the ball was bouncing and he didn't beat the guy. he straight away beat the keeper as he lobbed the ball in. the keeper had a hand to it but the force wasn't there to keep the ball out. the keeper really loooked clumsy when he feell. haha.
3-3! we felt that the match would resulted in a draw. i would very happy to draw with my family team cos i know they're a ver very good team. then in the dying minutes, who else but azam (nampak sah tengah seronok baca ni) brought himself together wit the ball to the flank. he beat my cousin to send a fairly high cross in. siva headed it home and in a blink of an eye, we were up 4-3! and it happened to be the last attack of the game! everyone from my team was elated. to score against my family team is one thing, but to win against them? what do u think?
but whatever it is, i still believe and will always do, that it's much more fun playing for my family team.

and baby....i'm missing u so much.u're on flight and im here at home. waiting for granny to come and help her cook. come home soon k hon. tell u what,i come pick u up later.

2007-06-19T10:56:00.000+08:00

hi and gd morning to all of you reading this right now!

first of all, i'd like to say sorry for i've not been updating. busy lah.
let's see what shall i blog today...

ok this coming sunday (24th), i'll be head-to-head against my dad ta fuchun sec. my team will be playing against my dad's team. oh ya btw my dad's team consists of my big family (of course on his side). my uncles, cousins and relatives play for the team. strictly no outsiders, my uncle once said. i'm so proud of this family team. but this sunday i have to go against them. whatever the result is, i'm sure it will be a very healthy and fun friendly match.

oh ya went to vivo city with my significant other together with her siblings last thurs (14 june) to watch Fantastic Four. the kids remind me of how fun it was when Faiz was a little boy.

u see, Faiz looks different from me n my sis. he looks more like a chinese than me, melayu jati... hehe... it was so fun when he was a little boy and me and my sis would play with him which most of the time would end up with an end with a lot of mischief and to the dismay of my mum. i can still remember how diligent my dad was when my mum was in hospital with Faiz. i'm so proud to be born into this family.

my dad has been my source of inspiration. he always makes me realise that great things in life don't come easily. though i wasn't that happy when he sold our Suzuki Liana to procure Kia Sportage, i knew it was for his family. comfort, space and fun (as there's vcd/dvd player in the car).

my mum is my pillar of strength. whenever i see mum cry, i'd cry. she'd keep reminding us not to brag and show off when she feels we're getting big-headed. everyday after prayers. my parents are the first ones i doakan. safety, happiness and everything every son would want his parents to be.

i'm sorry if what u read above is boring.
have a good day............

demi satu jiwa satu alunan irama
melamar kasih seharum mawar
demi satu jiwa satu impian yg indah
mencipta hari yg paling sempurna

2007-04-04T07:54:00.000+08:00

ok i admit i've been lazy. too lazy to update this pathetic blog of mine. well, it's april and my birthday is coming soon. can't wait to celebrate with the loved ones. brithdays aside, let's talk about some serious business. not that my birthday is not a serious matter, it is, but what i'm going to touch on is more serious cos it invloves matters of the heart and to a large extent, feelings.

let's start with a scenario first shall we?

a guy brings his significant other to outings with his friends. hoping the significant other and the friends would get along cos both parties mean a lot to him. so ya, as we all should expect, the friends become nice and gentle when talking to the gf and the guy feels happy. but as time goes by, these friends start to get on his nerves, of course, without they realising it, with remarks and comments and probably accompanied with some wild gestures and assumptions about the guy and his gf. but the thing here is that, most of it has been about his gf.

and so, as cliche as it seems, that guy is me. (take note that this my space, my blog. whatever i'm going to say might make you wonder why am i taking things too seriously. some of you will meet up after this or by chance, just bump into each other, and start talking about what's being said here. for me, i just want to make known my feelings. explaining to everyone at one time would be awkward and almost impossible. so this is when, this pathetic blog comes in handy.)

it all started when she came to have lunch with me in school. and a friend of mine just can't, til now, call her by her real name. i know the name is spelt like that, which is unique to me, but the u know the pronunciation is not exactly what u think it is. you're one great friend of mine in campus but things like these make me ......i don't know, feel distant from u. ok, it should be you who feels distant from me. just please just try calling her by the real name. ini bukan ejaan melayu nak baku2. it's eme, pronounced as "amy". get it?

now for my high school friends. not all of them are insensitive but some. i do admit i'm one of the insensitive ones but i'm mostly that when i'm on the field. cos some people just don't learn. ok forget about football. haiz... honestly, i'm really tired to explain myself, my feelings here. i just want you guys to know that commenting on my loved ones, as in this case, my love, can be a serious thing. a slight aggressive remark could just make me snap. on the inside of course. gotta be honest with you. i'm a very gullible and vulnerable at times but i'm one considerate guy. believe it or not, i am. you guys go n run your mouths like that about her. ok, not anything bad about her but those kinky and "suspicious" sayings you guys make of her. i really resent those.

please, just please.... stop it. well, at least i have to admit that she's hot. deny it, and you're in denial. face it. if you think those remarks you've been making would make me feel proud or something, then you're wrong. i don't go fantasize about your gf right? or your squeeze or your exes.... and one gentle reminder, to all my friends who are attached or dating or whatever. please keep those confidential details of what you've done with your partner or gf to yourselves. telling the whole world how those girls' physical features look like is really not doing those girls any favour. and i find it unethical to boast about it. sins are sins. those moments that we've sinned should be shared or kept, not to be proud of or worse, boast about it.

dalah. sakit hati jugak eh kalau nak blog benda2 yang merisikokan perasaan dan soal hati? tak ke gitu? ok la... tu lah. since you people really wanted me to update right, here it is. been keeping this inside for quite long. í'm really sorry cos i know i've done wrong to almost all of you. i'm trying to change and to a certain extent, have been successful. to hurt and being hurt is two very different matters. so i'm just going to leave it like it is. i believe my main points aren't stressed out here cos i don't want to seem so ridiculous and too sensitive. partly, too, is because i would not wanna hurt some parties' feelings.

to a great day today. i wanna go and find work. gotta get ready for interview later at 2. wharf operations supervisor. hai............... ok people. wait patiently for another adventure of Mr Farhan.

2007-02-05T15:27:00.000+08:00

Tercipta Untukku - UNGU

Menatap indahnya senyuman diwajahmu
Membuat ku terdiam dan terpaku
Mengerti akan hadirnya cinta terindah
Saat kau peluk mesra tubuhku

Banyak kata
Yang tak mampu kuungkapkan
Kepada dirimu

Aku ingin engkau slalu
Hadir dan temani aku
Disetiap langkah
Yang meyakiniku
Kau tercipta untukku
Sepanjang hidupku

Aku ingin engkau slalu
Hadir dan temani aku
Disetiap langkah
Yang meyakiniku
Kau tercipta untukku
Meski waktu akan mampu
Memanggil seluruh ragaku
Ku ingin kau tau
Kuslalu mencintaimu
Sepanjang hidupku

Aku ingin engkau slalu
Hadir dan temani aku
Disetiap langkah
Yang meyakiniku
Kau tercipta untukku
Meski waktu akan mampu
Memanggil seluruh ragakuKu ingin kau tau
Kuslalu milikmu
Yang mencintaimu

2007-01-29T18:03:00.000+08:00

let's start from last saturday...

saturday.
had our weekly dose of court soccer at yew tee park with the lads. great 2 see some old faces back playing. then it rained so heavily tt we had 2 seek shelter from this multi-purpose hall nearby. shari, faisal, azam, ahmad, eri & i were left after some decided 2 go home. the one 2 remember is when shari recorded a clip of us juggling the ball & in the end shouted his gf's name after we finished. i don't think u'll understand or get the humour there unless u were there with us. went home 2 get some sleep cos we were gg 2 the stadium 2 watch Asean cup semi final 2nd leg btwn Singapore & Malaysia.
entertaining football i tell u n we just could not stop making noises. with the likes of me (hee hee), saini, faisal, ahmad, rashidee, taufiq, azam & jam...u know it's gg 2 be noisy and uncontrollable. though jia yi's spot kick nearly gave me a heart attack, i just could not express the feeling which came after tt when lionel saved the last Malaysia's spot kick. the sad thing was tt i didnt manage 2 witness the save but luckily faisal recorded it. the whole stadium went berserk. just plain crazy. & at the Malaysian side, all heads were hanging down after tt. & one more thing, the guys (except me) were always teasing this Botak Hardy from the start. c'mon lah, give tt guy some credit. he was very hardworking throughout.
8 of us happily walked 2 the train station but 2 our dismay, by the time we reached the station, train service towards Boon Lay had stopped.
so we lepak near the station. & stupid dumb2 jam. everyone was kinda mad at him i should say. but not as in we really wanna smack him hard or what la. nvm la, malas nak explain.

sunday.
it didnt rain so football was on. taufiq & rashidee made their way down first. i joined faisal & azam. first half ended & we were 2-0 up. starting the second half with a 2-goal deficit, i knew there was gg 2 be some dirty play from the opponents as what i saw from them in the first half. it was when the ref gave us the contrversial goal tt the opposing team went mad at him. first red card was flashed & they became animals. faisal was interrogated by thier goalie but i was & still am proud of how faisal reacted 2 the harsh words the damned goalie threw at him. u would be too if u were there witnessing the exchange. they decided to mogok the match, so we took it tt they were just too scared 2 fight us. so in the end, we won the game 3-0 nonetheless.

monday.today.
woke up around 4 pm. helped mak 2 clean this house. watched tv for a while & here i am now. nothing 2 do but blog. hey thanks for dropping by ya. i know my entry today is quite boring & dull but at least i made some effort 2 update. to all my friends, take care. 2 some, just go to hell.

2007-01-21T12:43:00.000+08:00

hey everyone.
how have u guys been doing?
good? bad?
wah ive not been blogging since when ah?
ok nvm.

since the new term started, i feel that time is ticking so quickly. 27th of january is the last day of school, that means one more week to go and that's it. 3 years suddenly turned to become 3 days it seems. gonna miss the girls and the boys of Diploma in Maritime Transportation Management 01.

E, i thank God we get to be in the same class. seriously. our relationships as uncle-nephew & also friend-friend improved and its still improving. we have grown so much closer than how we were last time. we can joke easily and laugh easily too together. the highlight would be u sulking over not having a pillow to sleep on during our trip to kl. how azlan n wan love that. to all who still dont know who E is to me, he is my uncle. Eri's cousin too.

Ridwan, motorboat! Parrot seh! haha. this silent killer. he can be very quiet but when he opens his mouth n just say a word, it can make the 3 of us laugh like hyenas non-stop. even when on our way back to dover, we would still laugh abt it kalau terkenang2.

Azlan..... if i was a gay, we would be a couple by now. haha joking la. many things shared n done between us. this guy is very special. very special to me. he is a remarkable friend to have n is always concerned whenever im not in sch. there was once when i was really touched by his sms. eh he just called to ask abt e-learning. what i can say abt azlan is he is a very reliable, responsible, determined guy. no doubt abt. i wish only the best for u bro. only the best.

national service here i come! cant wait to join the force. like seriously. though i know im gonna miss my family n my eme, im still excited abt joining the force.

i miss u baby. ive not been a good bf but i just want u to know that i've always loved u. during lectures and even my soccer matches, i'm always thinking of u. we will have a life of our own ya. far better n splendid than what we're having now.

so long for now dear people.

2006-12-16T15:48:00.000+08:00

bagaimana mestinya
membuatku jatuh hati kepadamu
telah kau tuliskanku sejuta puisi
meyakinkanku
membalas cintamu

Haruskah kau mati karenaku
Terkubur dalam kesedihan...sepanjang waktumu
Haruskah kau relakan hidupmu
Hanya demi cinta yang mungkin bisa membunuhmu
Hentikan denyut nadi jantungmu
Tanpa ku tahu betapa suci hatimu
Untuk...memilikiku

Adakah keikhlasan
dalam palung jiwaku...mengetukku
Ajarkan ku bahasa perasaan
Hingga hatiku tak lagi membeku

Tiadakah ruang di hatiku untukmu
Yang mungkin bisa tuk kau singgahi
Hanya sekedar penyejuk
Di saat kau layu
Kau setia menantiku hingga akhir masa

thank you...

2006-12-16T09:01:00.000+08:00

haruskah ku mati ...

2006-12-14T09:27:00.000+08:00

hey i am here again.
how are u guys? ada baik?
sorry been out of action lately.

i don't know why but i have been very lazy nowadays.
have been feeling very lazy to go school n stuff.
its not that i hate school la but maybe cos it's the final year.
so maybe i'm already tired of seeing the same building every weekday.
gosh then how am i gonna get married like that?
everyday see wife's face...

ok la apart from school, ive been listening to new songs.
local ones i mean.
ok to be specific... taufik batisah and hady mirza.
if u want smooth listening, hady.
if u want that groove n addiction, taufik.
Usah Lepaskan....fucking earworms!

hmmm the reason why im here is to talk abt the match btwn Arsenal n Chelsea.
for the first time i was hoping for an arsenal win.
but what to do...they only managed to draw.
but honestly i was proud of arsenal.
they fielded young lads n they did well i must say.
except for 2 players, the rest were 23 yrs n below.
whatever it is that chelsea goal shouldnt be allowed to stand.
it was a foul on alex hleb.
but its ok. at least man u still have the lead.

24th dec start of league.
have been training hard.
but the flabs are still here to stay.
my babats...pls go away.
last training was how i should say...sad.
i had a clash of bones.
a mate's knee head collided with the side bone of my knee.
thats where my permanant injury is.
now still not recovered yet.
i have been icing that area every night since that day man.
still like that.
n now i have to wear a knee brace to school.
on e other hand i felt good tackling one of my friends from behind.
he came in two-footed on azam.
so i decided to do azam a favour, get back on that guy.
n my i did well. i kicked his trailing leg while he was running in front of me.
what happened after that, i dont wanna say it here.

as for now ladies n gentlemen...i have to go.
i have a date.
n im late man!
ok bye...

2006-12-07T13:41:00.000+08:00

can never forget him.
always comparing me.
never stop thinking of him.
will always remember him.

as for me. i'm just the following chapter after him.

2006-11-29T22:02:00.000+08:00

91443485 & 63009652.
the owner of the numbers above will never ever call u again.
im not blaming anyone.
uve showed me that its the best solution to everything i guess.

I wake up to you, there...
Sleeping soundly, almost smiling.
I rest my head on my arm and watch,
You shift ever so slightly,
Let out a sigh, scrunch your nose.

There's a burning inside of me,
Nothing major, really, just an urge.
I want to reach out and touch your hair,
Feel the silk between my fingers;
But fear of waking you halts me.

Did you know you suck your teeth in your sleep?
Did you know you purr when I nudge you?
Did you know I can't take my eyes off of you?
Did you know you are all that I need?
Did you know I can't live without you?

Your eyes open and look up into mine,
And you smile that sweet smile
As you say hello and yawn.
I reach out and touch your neck
As you roll over and stretch off sleep.

Kicking off the covers and sitting up
You make me feel slightly sad to end this,
So peaceful you looked sleeping there,
So content was I to watch you rest.
But yet my heart flutters again.

Did you know your hair smells of blueberries?
Did you know you wink right before you wake?
Did you know I kissed your eyelids?
Did you know you are all that I need?
Did you know I can't live without you?

2006-11-24T17:44:00.000+08:00

ok for once i wanna stop this.
to huda...i got my eksyen n u also got ur eksyen.
so what the hell, lets eksyen more!
let me brag abt the Red Devils, n u abt the Gunners.

it sucks not having a handphone with me.
btw my handphone is under "quarantine".
eh yang tahu jgn bilang org lain k? promise.
hahaha.but its good in a way tho that my parents are unable to contact me n bother me.

boring day today.
woke up late cos i dont have an alarm clock.
i've always used my mobile's alarm.
n today was e first time my mum didnt wake me up.
selalu kejut org suruh sembahyang.
so ya i called her n kinda screamed at her but felt bad after that.

went to sch just for the binding for our final yr project.
so now at home already.
had bread with chicken curry.
damn full.
had a chat w huda abt weddings, kids, our better halves and of course...football!
though we support diff teams but honestly our bickerings are healthy i suppose.
if we take it too hard then not fun la.

whatever it is... man united is my dearest.

2006-11-21T10:48:00.000+08:00

wooh! finally fyp is over.
ok la for the report only but presentation's on 5th dec.
there's ample time to have fun first i guess.

last sat went to ridwan's plc to finish up w our report.
ended quite late so i asked abah to fetch me.
lagipon my train concession was up already.
hehe it took a lot of convincing to convince abah to fetch me.
know why? man u's game was on tv that time.

so ya, reached home.
1 -1. sheffield united playing host to man u.
i thought ok la nvm draw also can.
sekali ard 70 minutes or so, the boy wonder scored!
the scoreline was 2 -1 man u!

haha! ARSEnal could only afford a draw with newcastle.
managed to get only 1 POINT from home.
that's pathetic man! newcastle is no match to them actually.
i wonder what would happen to ARSEnal if henry leaves.

mmm dont know la ha!
what matters is that my man u won n they will keep winning.
so to all ARSE- anal fan out there, sorry la ha.
you guys are twelve points behind us.
man u shloud worry more abt aston villa than u guys.

honestly, i really dont mind losing the title to chelsea.
cos mourinho is a respectable person.
unlike ARSEne wenger, a sore loser.
besides ARSEne wenger, luiz filippe scolari comes to mind too.

so even if we dont get the title this season, its ok.
nah amiklah chelsea, liverpool, aston villa..or even NEWCASTLE. HAHA!
mmm for ARSE-anal.......maybe next season?

2006-11-14T14:38:00.000+08:00

last sunday was great.
had fun with the pri sch peeps.
though there were only 12 of us, i still enjoyed tt day.
n they complained tt i talked too much.
i talk too much eh?

ok guys hope u enjoy viewing e pics below.
sorry i got no time to crop em.

from left: ct nurhuda, faezah, jaja and sayang.

from left: eri, alfi, fir, myself and nazrul.

us again. at my humble hut.

my place again. now altogether.

huda's place.the place where we finally appreciate air-con.

at cikgu jasnee's rural crib.

the joy of my life sleeping on my lap.

nazrul's house. classic.

at her place. mcm budak2.

this one at sobrie's.

i hope more will come for next year's raya.

i'm lost

2006-09-08T09:58:00.000+08:00

i miss my honey munchkin ...

2006-09-05T14:08:00.000+08:00

hey hey humans...
haha finally i have time to update now.
so ya let me start off e day with what happened on...

saturday :
liaised with azam in distributing flyers. it's about e Hill's Cat show.
i dont think many knew about it. hehe only azam n i know why.
then headed to expo to help set out the necessary props n stuff.

sunday :
event started at around 11am. azam n i were the mascots.
for e 1st half, i was Mr Octopus n azam was Mr Crab.
then we exchanged roles for e 2nd half. he mati2 wanted me
to be e crab cos ppl could see e face.
btw im sorry i havent uploaded e pics yet. its very funny
i tell u. e kids loved us i should say. they loved my tentacles.
ok i mean the octopus' n not mine. mine is only 4 my honey
munchkin. end of e day i received my pay. 105 bucks
for 2 days work.

monday :
had dinner with miss juicy pants. at new york new york. fantastic
food n desserts. aft dinner we went to suntec city to window shop tgtr.
was tempted to buy some things but i was successful in resisting it.
saw this pony t priced at 33 bucks n it's on 30% discount. ok la maybe im
gonna buy it soon.

n today :
i woke up at 11 sthg. called my munchkin. oh ya btw guys my mobile is
currently with my mum. i reached home very late yest so ya i let her keep
my mobile to keep her quiet for a day or 2 la. just call me at home if u need
anything k.

today is e 5th. happy 10 months sweetheart. i love u n only u.

2006-08-31T14:25:00.000+08:00

aku yang lemah tanpamu

aku yang rentan karena cinta yg telah hilang darimu

yg mampu menyanjungku

selama mata terbuka
sampai jantung tak berdetak
selama itu pun aku mampu untuk mengenangmu

darimu, ku temukan hidupku
bagiku, kaulah cinta sejati

bila yg tertulis untukku
adalah yg terbaik untukmu
kan ku jadikan kau kenangan
yg terindah dalam hidupku

namun takkan mudah bagiku
meninggalkan jejak hidupku
yg telah terukir abadi
sebagai kenangan yg terindah

tapi itu semuanya kenangan
yg tinggal hanya perasaan
kan ku semadikan kau
sebagai kenangan yg terindah ...

2006-08-29T21:47:00.000+08:00

I just thought that I'd let you know. That although I'm far, I'm close to you within. And all the time spent by your side is taken deep in me. Held for me to keep. To look upon when I'm feeling like everything and one is hurting me for something or another. It takes me to a better place. Nowhere I'd rather go.
Thought I'd let you know that who you are and what you do, makes me burn to be in you. Who you are and what you do, I'm burning to be in you.
I just thought that I'd let you know that being near you is a gift I only wish I could treasure. But for now I'll sit and wait. I'm still burning though.

= > and to dear Tante, i'll pray that the operation will turn out fine. Want u to know tt i love u.
Be strong and always hold on to the faith tt Allah is looking after u. I promise i'll come down
tmr.

2006-08-18T21:44:00.000+08:00

finally i can attach this video here.
Singapore Maritime Academy Day.
i would like to thank Shari Botak for uploading them.

here without you & mimpi yang sempurna.

2006-06-13T16:11:00.000+08:00

it's 1609 hrs now.
2 of my cousins are here.
watching Benchwarmers with my sibs.
n i'm here sitting in front of e comp.
trying to think of what to write.
did alot of things for reasons.
folded the clothes,put e clothes out to dry.
fried some nuggets for em,vacuumed my room.
i miss her...very much.
y am i like this?
y is it very hard for me to accept everything?
y is it so hard for me to forgive n forget?
it's hard to say that i was wrong.
it's hard to say i miss u.
it's hard to say i had my time.
it's hard to say if only.
a day without u, it's not the same.
i don't know if i can ever come to terms with it.
but i wanna be with her forever.
it's too too late to leave.
cos i've fallen so deeply.
i'm clueless......what am i doing?
is it true i'm very unpredictable?
my actions, my behaviour, my character?
she tried very hard to forget me the other time.
i was really sad...i'm useless.

i just want u to know tt i love u.
even tho i still can't accept what u've done, i love u.
cos my heart is stronger than my brain.
i know u n u know me.
i've fallen so deeply.
y can't u see?
my head's telling me to leave.
but my heart knows i wanna stay.
to be with u.

*i'm here without u
but u're still on my lonely mind

2006-06-12T10:47:00.000+08:00

kalau saja waktu itu ku tak jumpa dirinya
mungkin semua takkan seperti ini
dirimu dan dirinya kini ada di hatiku
membawa aku dalam kehancuran...

maafkan aku... menduakan cintamu
berat rasa hatiku tinggalkan dirinya
dan demi waktu yang tergulir di sampingmu
maafkanlah diriku sepenuh hatimu..
seandainya bila ku bisa memilih

hi everyone it's been long since i last updated my blog.
hope u guys are doing fine.
been going thru shit lately.
u guys must always come here ok n read my entries.
have or not, must still read.. just read.
my tagboard is currently undergoing maintenance ops.
so hold on 2 ur balls ya for those who want 2 tag me.
btw..italy will win the World Cup.
hahah ok lah bye bye.

2005-11-25T21:10:00.000+08:00

trudges along his life
misunderstood by many
closest to the many
always thinking what he can be
what he could have been
seeking for another chance
a feeling he missed
didnt even notice
hope fades , faith shaking
teary-eyed , drooped cheeks
partially weak
seed of pride that's been long buried
disturbed
as it penetrates out of his heart
and through his permeable skin
he feels alive
he catches him bleeding
grasping for air
emotions inhaled
a pinch of sugary guilt
a sense of devotion
the inner soul discriminates
he decides to isolate
if he sees himself from where she's standing
he'd be laughing
forces within injects trauma
he's not dreaming now of going nowhere
cries out to the madness to embrace him
his life's full of nothing for him to indulge
insane oriented
impaired from the 2
to understand complicates the whole thing
being inferior is the most beautiful thing
falling in love is nothing but a mistake it seems
well, if u want the sound of glory
.........im fucking singing it to u!

2005-11-01T10:53:00.000+08:00

yesssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!

finally our single is released.
Alhamdulillah....
Retro Cafe rocks!

Illyas will be contacting us back for video and the press kit.
the final product and the draft are two different worlds, i tell u.
im very proud of myself and SOULZ.
yeah i dont wish to be like Taufik or what lah.
but this is more than enough to be contented with.
i would like to thank Black Isle &
Mistaken Identity for playing such greatly impeccable
music for us...Jon, Tim, Jarell & Najip.
this song really means alot to Illyas.

Title: Flashback
- SOULZ
music played by Mistaken Identity
(recorded at Black Isle studios)

intro
*farhan
woohoo...yeah...

1st verse
*syed
stay another night
we'll watch the world go by
livin' on stolen time
this crime is yours and mine

2nd verse
*farhan
forever and a day of waitin'
runnin' from our past
this might stop your heart from breakin'
don't look back just take my hand

chorus
*illyas & fiza
ooooohhh...flashback to the past
it's finally over
this might end so hold me while it last
can we make a start straight from the heart
ooooohhh...flashback to the past
it's finally over
this might end so hold me while it last

3rd verse
*iskandar
every night i'm dreamin' of u
i believe that we were through
he took a piece of u
and then he went away
forever and a day
of waitin' for your love, baby why u went astray?
i've lost my sympathy
and now i can't breathe easy

chorus

*iskandar
it's finally over
c'mon over

rap
*fiza
c'mon baby let's scram
cos this place ain't nothin' but tears
u and me, with a love like no other
just believe and we'll make it together

*farhan
u know our love can take us higher
u know our love will make us stronger
u know our love will last forever
yet love is so divine...

*illyas
another fallen angel
cries alone to fill this empty night
another fallen angel
will cry to fill this empty night
(rap oozes in)
(tim's background...fades away)

chorus

*farhan
i can't help but cry........

2005-10-22T23:21:00.000+08:00

satu dua tiga aku bermula
kehidupan anak muda di kotaraya
hari2 ku mencari destinasi diri ini
seperti semua aku juga punya mimpi
namun kita berbeza
usia,harta,rupa latar keluarga
hitam putih hidupan
sendiri menentukan
terlalu banyak kehitaman dalam kehidupanku
aku lakukan apa perlu
hari ganti hari masa terus berlalu
bukan ku pinta kehidupan tak bererti
situasi yang menjerat tak bisa ku lari lagi
sampai bila nasib ku begini
bila ku mati siapa peduli
inilah sehari dalam diari
anak metropolitan...di kotaraya in

adakah hidupku satu gurauan
sekadar perlukan pementasan
diriku tak perlu belas kasihan
bersendiri ku menyepi di sini
jangan kau cuba mendekati
kamu juga pentingkan diri sendiri
mengakulah ini realiti
yang lemah kan mati gagah berlari

sepuluh tahun pengalaman
anak jalanan juga punya prinsip dan pegangan
inilah dia syarat pertama
"jika gua tak kacau lu,lu jangan kacau gua"
apa jua kau berkata
beranilah juga tanggung risikonya
aku masih muda,umur satu sembilan
jangan kerana mulut badan binasa

sehari di dalam diari
sebuah kehidupan di metropolitan

2005-10-11T22:17:00.001+08:00

u almost always pick the best times
to drop the worst lines
u almost made me cry again this time
another false alarm
red flashing lights
well this time im not gonna watch myself die

as we trudge along through the mud
and we tried to call it home
we weren't alright, not at all
not for one second
never have been one to write it down
now i think i can
i know im stronger now
who's looking south, not me im not looking back
im done denying the truth to anyone
cos im alive

it's all in how u mix the two
and it starts just where the light exists
it's a feeling that u cannot miss
it burns a hole through everyone that feels it

well u never gonna find it
if u're looking for it won't come ur way
well u'll never find it
if u're looking for it

should have said something
but i've said it enough
by the way my words were faded
rather waste some time with u

u could have been mine
i would have been yours
we should have been together

2005-10-11T22:17:00.000+08:00

2005-10-04T21:12:00.000+08:00

i had a dream yesterday.
i was with the same someone.
but this time,its a different outcome.

how i wish i could turn back time.
but it seems impossible...
it IS impossible.
i have my ego.
i tried to put it aside.

emotions certainly takes over intelligence
when we are angry.
illusions never change into something real.
i may go now.
i can go now.

im breaking my own heart.
im shattering my dreams.
im tying myself down.
im holding myself back.

Nurul Huda...Nurul Ain...Nurul Natasha
hope u guys are doing fine.
still cant get u girls off my mind.
but im not into u guys lah eh.
u girls make wanna be a better man.
the past with u girls made me stronger.

untuk : -
Azam, Faisal, Saini, Azlan, Jam, Taufiq,
Faris, Shari, Illyas, Syed, Cicak, Acaha,
Ismail, Yitno, Yaya, Khairullah, Abdul,
Ahmad, kakak kesayanganku Sharmie,
budak2 Synaptula, budak2 Pakiyoko,
kwn2 sialanku dari SP,
kwn2 tak lurusku,
kwn2 bebual worldku dari Primary,
dan untuk semua...................
muslimat dan musliminah...

SELAMAT BERIKAT PERUT
BERPUASA YOK2 K..

avoiding is the best solution

2005-10-01T22:39:00.000+08:00

went out with dear Sharmie yesterday.
wanted to hold her hand...but.
let it stay that way k?
dear Kakak has always been there whenever i need her.

called buddie Azlan.
asked for some pointers.
what to tell her...what to say....
he said i should tell her everything that's inside.
and accept whatever may come after that.
as a man, i should face the consequences.
must face..

sometimes my heart opposes what i say.
in denial? maybe....don't think so.
i wanted and needed to meet u.
but i don't see the need now.
i'm not in that circle of friends of yours
that u can treasure.
hell, i'm not worth remembering.

and kak....it's true
i still have feelings for her.
it's no use telling her kak, Lan.
i'm not her type.
her type is TYPE 501..
ok ok just joking.
girls don't like boys girls like cars and money
ain would hate me for this.

u and I were like siblings.
siblings.
i loved u more than that.

2005-09-22T13:29:00.000+08:00

the truth is torn away from my sight.

i know it's not gonna work,

but yet im still trying.

there are two very good examples

God has shown me.

still defiant...like usual.

u don't want me gone.

they didn't want me gone.

lets just see if it's gonna happen again.

my mind wants me to stop.

but my heart needs a companion.

it seems that my _ _ _ _ life will never be beautiful.

drift away from people i was close to.

-> 2 people

u who promised to be with me

-> 2 people

but what the heck,

im still alive.

so just live it the way ive always lived it.

its great to be away from school for 6 months

starting from 3rd October.

will not see faggots,lesbians and

those associated with them.

u just hate me don't u.

just say so.

u'll feel good after that.

so for now....

til i never see u again,

please don't take care of yourself.

2005-09-14T22:09:00.000+08:00

once upon a time...
at Hollandse Club...
a wedding...
SOULZ and Mistaken Identity were invited.
to entertain the guests and the newly-weds.
a million thanks to Illyas.

i kicked off first.
"Flying Without Wings" by Rubben Studdard.
2nd song was "I Believe I Can Fly" with SOULZ.
3rd song, "She Will Be Loved", music played by M.I.
4th song....most memorable one.
"Almost Here" with her.

shadows bleeding thru the light
where our love once shined so bright
CAME WITHOUT A REASON

....bruised n battered by your words
dazed n shattered now it hurts

being together with u
would have been the most beautiful thing
that could ever happen to me.

he doesn't deserve u.
cos he deserves someone who loves him.
not someone who sympathises him.

u didnt even look at me
when the 3 of us sat around that table.
that says what?

u said u knew what to do.
it seems that u still dont know what you're doing.

he understands.he let u go.
but due to peer pressure, u felt guilty.

Illyas n Syed...thanks.

2005-09-09T21:41:00.000+08:00

what is hidden within.
what lies beneath.
what's possible can't be said.im so sorry.

well,a picture paints a thousand words.
and that picture happens to be me.

now that we're here.
it's so far away.
All the struggle we thought was in vain
And all the mistakes, one life contained
They all finally start to go away
And now that we're here,
it's so far away.
And I feel like I can face the day.
And I can forgive.
And I'm not ashamed to be
The Person that I am today.

These are my words
That I've never said before.
I think I'm doing .
And this is the smile
That I've never shown before.

welcome to my world.
where life is just a broken memory.

2005-09-09T01:29:00.000+08:00

(verse 1)
Hope will rise...
I think it's time we took control..
It's time we took control...

Though we might fall...
I"ll cast away the fears that cloud your sight
Chase away the shadows in your mind

(chorus)
Moving on now we'll watch our dreams take flight
Just hang on...
cos the night will soon be over
tonight we're starting over

(verse2)
all the empty faces of
each and every generation.
has a hidden story to be told..
while the dying styles of time still turned
the flame inside each heart still burns

(outro)
This time i swear we'll make it thru the night

2005-09-06T21:02:00.000+08:00

im living a lie.
how can i possibly break the news to her?
me n my stupid mouth.
ive hurt her too many times.
she will never believe me again.

*let it be spoken....not by me

its not worth it anyway.
so i shall not say anything.
afraid that my careless mouth might hurt u again.

i dont wish to see u around.
so get the hell out of SP and scram.
forget everything that we've shared together.
i dont wish to make anew.
let it be this way.
maybe u're a friend to me.
but im not one to u.

we'll meet again soon k?
after my exams are over,Esplanade is where we go!
u'll leave for bangkok soon.
and starting from Oct,im on ITP attachment.
for 6 freaking months.
so i can foresee a busy me.
btw,MONTEL is waiting for u.

come to my place k?
mama would love to meet u.

2005-09-04T00:41:00.000+08:00

"antara diguna dan mengguna....bergunakah semua itu?"
-nickname E suatu ketika dahulu

im so happy.elated.relieved.
whatever thats positive.
i realise that friends are'nt forever.
ok not all i suppose.
thanks to Pinky Freak,Azam,my coursemates...
Ilyas,Syed...Synaptula-turned-Scarlet Soul.
haahaa.

Kak brought me to Wheelock's Borders yesterday.
listened to stupid Reggae songs.her fave genre.
n Avenged Sevenfold is not sucky-yucky!
n Kak,u should listen to The Used.
i can say that most of their songs are about u.
heehee.

n to u,im not jealous by your actions.
superficial bastard.un-misunderstood sadist.
fuck u.wait....!
u've been fucked..im sorry.
don't act like a virgin when u're not k.
u're just trying to be stupid.

btw Azam..kau nak Farhain eh?
amik ah! juicy legs man!

n to the rest of u guys out there!
call me COWARD from today onwards ya?
yabadabadoooooo..............
a fucking player of feelings yeah u..

2005-08-29T21:19:00.000+08:00

look into my eyes
im jaded now
whatever that means by sharing these things
i rip my heart out
it's worth my time
whatever that means

hard to see up
my neck feels stiff until i wake up
the orange i choked and back to my neck
it's worth my time
whatever that means

so share with me cause i need it right now
let me see your insides or write me off
cause i'd rather starve now if u won't open up
give it to me

whatever u want
it's never been me to want this much from u
i can see it tears me up

i still remember a year ago
the times we spent
i think that i'm happier now
up from the down by all means
it's strange cause i feel the same way
i think of what it looks like
i think of what it tastes like
same strange said it's strange
cause i feel the same
makes me ill
still remember what it tastes like
what it feels like

2005-08-28T22:55:00.000+08:00

had a great time today.
had 7-a-side soccer tournament in school.
organised by Pertapis & MLS.
finished 3rd...lucky Team Illyas!
we put our team's name as Foodcourt 4
but the stupid facilitator kept calling
our team Muhammad Illyas!
n Illyas has no Muhammad!
was dehydrated like shit.
headache n suddenly had a fever after that.
we didnt know there was going to be
a forum abt "Love, Life & Sex" til
we entered the auditorium.
we just wanted to take our medals
and vouchers and go home and sleep.
fucking vomitted after the prize-giving ended.
outside the auditorium of course.
alangkah baik jika aku mampos tadi.
some people will be happy knowing it.

seeing the minah tudungs reminds me
of Hanyut...hypocrites.
they are no diff from non-tudung girls.
lagi kurang ajar dgn biadap tu ada ah.

i realised one thing.
foodcourt 4 freaks are friends for life.
they care for me man.haahaa
ok ok aku tgh emo sikit ni.
problems sharing are their thing.
walaupon sorang2 mcm sial dlm segi mepek,
when it comes to be serious n sensitive,
they are very good listeners and advisors.

kakak,i miss u.
friday...Batu Esplanade ok?
btw mak keeps asking me abt u.
n mama buat dek je whenever mak asks me.

ok lah that's all.
nak telan panadol ah.

2005-08-27T14:35:00.000+08:00

i dont mean to change things for the worse.
ive never told u off before.
if u think what im doing now is wrong
then im sorry.
from what u've u said,i believe that
this friendship is going nowhere.
n it no longer means anything.
i know ive hurt u with my words before.
u will never know why i chose to do that.
and now what ure saying....
haizzz....no comments.

sometimes it sucks to be close to someone.
when u know the fact that
u'll drift away from her after that.
even the relationship im having w kakak
is not as good as what it used to be.
y?!
cos of my stupid problems.
she always msges me, asking me
if im ok or not.
and now mak and mama dont want me to
meet her anymore.
they think we are a couple.
and the stupid common tak-fikir-jauh
reason is ......
kakak is older than me.
ya..she's 22 and im 19.
we're relatives anyway.
just not directly related.

the AIN saga still haunts mama.
dont fall for your fucking relatives A'an!

so ya maybe im not
a fucking brave person after all.

u like the sound of that, don't u?

told u ur friends hate me.
n u keep denying.

2005-08-25T11:30:00.000+08:00

kalau nak shoot, biarlah straight.
ibarat lelaki kencing, target masuk jamban betul2.
kalau kau sway2 tu batang,
air kencing kau bersepah merata2.
kan nak flush susah.....

kalau marah, ckp marah.
kalau rasa tanak msg, jgn msg.
kalau binget dgn aku, ckp binget.

siapa Tuhan kau?
siapa Tuhan aku?

bebual kat blog ok ah.
try bebual dgn aku pulak.
berani tak? buah kecut tak?
eh wait...kau takda buah...sorry.

2005-08-22T23:29:00.000+08:00

im growing to hate what i used to love.
"what" refers to people and some things.

i feel so vulnerable.
insecure...thank u.

the sight of ur face irks me!
i know u know it cos uve been dropping my
freaking blog most of the time...
n its stupid how my coursemate could simply
admire ur freaking friend.
it sucks that we're in the same school.
do u know how it hurts to walk pass McDonald's
hoping that ill not see ur face around there?

i hate myself for loving u.
what the fuck.
frankly,the times spent with u,never memorable at all.
they just leave me in confusion.

btw Sis, i miss u badly.
i miss your treats n laughter.
batu kat esplanade conversations.

ok lah thats all.
u hava good day.
n have a car crashing down on u okay?

2005-08-20T22:24:00.000+08:00

did u ever have a ball coming at u so fast
that u have to use ur head to defend urself?

no? its fucking painful.
my brain's not functioning well now.

if only u can be straight n precise w ur words.
so that i dont need to work my brains out
figuring what u are trying to say.

if i mean a lot to u...just say it.
cos u mean a lot to me too.
one's just waiting for the other to say it first.

i hate to drop hints...
let fate decide for us...

2005-08-19T20:26:00.000+08:00

is a blog a place to drop hints?
cos i cant possibly drop them in front of her.
ya like real.

yesterday spent time w Illyas, Fiza n Syed.
after sharing our life stories halfway,
i realised the girls i used to like,
have names that start with "Nurul".

my ex-tra
=> NURUL ain
the MM (mechanical dept) girl...
=> NURUL huda
touch rugby girl...
=> NURUL aliffah
Burberry salesgirl...
=> her nametag reads "NURUL"

the MM girl's case was fucked up man.
dont wanna talk about it.
i dont wanna stereotype Nuruls man.
this past of mine has taught me a lesson.
never fall for a Nurul.
like what Ain said to me...
never fall for a relative.

to Illyas n Fiza.
stay strong guys.
please make a wise decision.
dont be harsh.
i love u guys.
SOULZ is my 2nd family.
clubhouse has been our home ever since.

SMA day coming up.
26th august 05.
friday, labrador park.
6pm til 12 midnight.

Captain Chatur wants me to
fucking sing.
i really hate Talentime
for putting me into many kinds of shit.
3 songs for SMA day.

1) Livin' on a prayer - Bon Jovi
2) Blue & Yellow - The Used
3)Im not okay - MCR

btw, bon jovi's is Chatur's pick.
i wanna ask u.
can the 3 songs attract the crowd's attention?

next...
photoshoot
& collection and launch of single.
SOULZ make me love singing more.

2005-08-16T17:08:00.000+08:00

i miss u...
eh wait,what makes u think it is u?

2005-08-13T17:49:00.000+08:00

imagine aku tv mu
transmissionku terbit untukmu
dramaku product khas siaranmu
trans-sonet gelora satelite cinta

imagine aku radiomu
intermissionku orbit untukmu
e-ramaku record khas hiburanmu
inter-planet kejora ke-marikh asmara

per - MY - suri...rumahku
per - MY - suri radarku
per - MY - suri syurgaku

yang teristimewa

imagine aku VJmu
transvisionku terbitan untukmu
characterku ilham khas pedomanmu
trans-phonic gelora satelite cinta

imagine aku DJmu
intervisionku orbit untukmu
metafurku iltizam khas buatmu
inter-sonic kejora ke-marikh asmara

produksi-masi fantasyku reality

2005-08-11T21:46:00.000+08:00

chatted with her.
heartbroken.
she said we can never get back together.
she said her family and mine are totally "NO NO"
she wants me to throw away the thoughts.
fuck the past that happened between our families.

lesson learnt...never fall for your own relative.

anyway Ilyas n Syed...
thanks for filling my time with laughter.
hearing out my problems.

clubhouse has been the place for me
to rest my mind and destress.
constant upcoming performances ,
photoshoot, shisha,jammings....
make me move on.

ya life is not fair and never will be.
God wants us to be strong.

and u..
walaupun engkau tak pernah sakiti aku
kau tetap aku benci.
i miss u...but i hate u

2005-08-07T23:25:00.000+08:00

what is the cure for Love-Hate relationships?

dont ask me man...im asking u.
do u ever hate someone?
but deep inside,u just miss her?

"i hate u but i miss u"

i miss her.
but the sight of her just irks me.

watta do....

2005-08-06T08:43:00.000+08:00

the cup is not half empty as pessimists say
as far as he sees nothing's left in the cup
a whole cup full of nothing for him to indulge
since the voice of ambition has long since been shut up

a singer...a writer
he's not dreaming now of going nowhere
he gave heed to nothing
and all that he was...is just a tragedy

he voyages in circles succeeds getting nowhere
and submits to the substance that first got him there
then...

in violent frustration
he cries out to God or just noone
is there a point to this madness
and all that he was...is just a tragedy

he feels alone
his heart in his hand he's alone
he feels alone...i feel

then on the last day he breaks
and he stood tall as he yelled...
and he takes his life

2005-07-21T23:09:00.000+08:00

soccer at Sentosa.
5.30 pm kick-off.
against fucking Rangers again.
scolosis and my patella are really getting the better of me.
thinking of going for massage.
the one that Abah had his from.
i cant even sit with my legs crossed for twenty minutes.

KL trip next Monday.
yeah baby!4 days 3 nights!
Genting..Bukit Bintang..Times Square..Chinatown
Petaling Street..KLCC..Hard Rock..
to those who have gone there before,
shut your fucking mouth!
im goinna have lot more fun than u.
irritating suckers that keep bragging about
their "oooh-aaahs" and "magical outing".

cant wait to leave S'pore.
dont wana see my fucking SP hommies
that backstabbed me.
even people in my class are fucking backstabbers!
haahaa...watta do......

after KL...photoshoot with Soulz and Mistaken Identity.
after our compilation is done.
Press Kit will be done to send to various stations.
recording Flashback has been a wonderful
experience...honestly.
felt like a superstar.
haha reminds me of the treatment we received
during Tsunami gig at Siglap CC.
posed with Donita Rose.
ate free Pizza Hut pizzas with Soulz n MI.
brought home packets of KGBs.

and to u..freaking busted child.
pls minimise the risks by practising abstainence.
surely u dont wanna have an out-of-wedlock child right?
just learned it in CRS.
from the way u walk,i can know that
uve lost your mother-fucking V.
the distance that separates the groin..
it tells it all.

so to all GIRLS out there.
we guys know the trick.
or if not,only me.
fucking sell-outs!
your V (so called prized-posession)
is just like those fucking cheap handphones
that those Sungei Road apeks are selling.
so syed...only u n me know the story.
mmmmm with iskandar.the snake.

2005-07-07T22:17:00.000+08:00

we listened to each other's problems.
we shared our sadness n happiness.
we tried to end each other's misery.

too bad we just cannot do it again anymore.
everything's changed.
ive changed.
u look different now.
but i dont care.
its ur life.

to kakak.
thank u.
im trying not to miss my prayers.
i enjoyed the conversation we had yesterday.
n sitting on the rocks along esplanade hurts!
i dont want Abah n Mama to have the wrong impression on us.

25th July ----- going KL with my class peeps!!!!
hooyyaaa!! but not all are going though.
nevermind lah.
Genting Highlands , Berjaya Times Square , Petaling Street!
hoo haa haa...

2005-07-04T16:49:00.000+08:00

masihku berasa angkuh
terbang kenanganku jauh
langit kan menangkapku
walau ku terjatuh

dan bila semua tercipta
hanya untuk ku merasakan
cinta yang tersisa
hamba hidup terasa

bagai bintang di syurga
dan seribu warna
kan kasih yang setia
dan cahaya nyata

bintang di syurga
berikan cerita
dan kasih yang setia
dan cahaya nyata

things arent the way they used to be
fighting,kicking..ya u hate me
i sacrificed my body for u
there are so many things to be said
if only u give me the chance
i cant even solve my fucking problems
what more to solve yours?

but do understand
that im always here
i will listen
but dont ask me to solve it for u
we love u...

2005-06-19T23:14:00.000+08:00

people come people go
i've been here long enough to know
if i see myself from where you're standing
i'd be crying

i never could imagine life
without my friends

do u guys know how sucky it feels
when u walk around school
n u dont even know who hate your face?
it disturbs me that people are waiting
to have a chance on me.

to Ilyas , Tim n Syed.....
thanks guys.
i hope there will be no "showdown"
just because of the trouble i caused

fucking player of feelings u!
n i was stupid to fall for it

ya thank u

2005-06-17T21:35:00.000+08:00

ive been hit for the second time.
the same kind of thing.
it sucks to know that people in school hate me.
n the thing is that i dont even know anyone of them.
ive created so many enemies in the process.
im just a hated figure to start with.
mum im so sorry that u have to live a burden.
im a troublemaker.
i need to find myself.

ive come to realise how selfish i am lately.
only thinking about myself.
i just cant understand my own feelings.
im a player of my own.
ya! my own... fuckkkkkkkkkk

2005-06-09T10:05:00.000+08:00

im unpredictable .
yeah ?
insecure . steady influx of pressure .
no . . not from friends . . but myself .
life is but a dream for me .
people who were close to me are drifting away .
and why ?
because of my fucking mouth .
they cant stand it . i'm so careless .
i'm not wise . i'm not good with words .
thank u guys for hating me .
i cant buy your shit . our promises , down the drain .

so now i'm here . alone .
u guys have your friends . reliable friends .
i have too . but it will never be the same without u.
i'll try not to think about it .
cos that's what you're doing now .
anyway i dont mean anything to you .
u dont owe me anything .

so ya .
im saying goodbye too .
not because i have a lot more friends than u guys .
its the hurt n damage ive done .
n being the stubborn me ,
i dont want to even try to change anything about it .

peace and love ,
the useless .

2005-06-04T18:37:00.000+08:00

di sini aku ingin meluahkan sesuatu.
aku ada ramai kawan...perempuan dan lelaki.
ada yang rapat dengan aku..dan
ada yang tak begitu rapatlah.
aku lihat tiga orang kawan2 aku sekarang
yang aku pernah rapat dengan dorang dulu
kini sudah renggang.
agaknya dalam hidup aku memang dah tercatat.

"bila kau rapat dengan seseorang itu,
kau akan mengalami perselisihan yang dalam
sampaikan lukanya
akan mengambil masa yang panjang
untuk pulih kembali"

untuk Nadiah:
kalau kau ingat aku marah dengan kau pasal
kau hutang dengan aku,
kau memang ada sikit betul.
tapi yang sebenarnya aku marah dengan kau
pasal masa tu kau dah janji yang it was your treat.
lepas tu,kau panggil aku
bilang aku kau tak cukup duit.
apa ni?!
bill 70 lebih ketul.
kau ada 28 ketul je time tu.
40 dolar tu banyak tau pada aku.
jadi pandai2lah kau fikirkan.

bagi Shimada:
aku tak marah dengan perhubungan korang.
kau nak buat dia jadi suami kau,buatlah.
aku sebagai kawan akan tumpang gembira
seandainya korang dua gembira.
tapi aku hiba yang kau tuduh aku
yang menyebelahkan dan sekomplot
dengan kawan kita yang satu tu.
dan apa sebab kau tuduh gitu?
ada alasan?
kau cakap kau hairan kenapa aku
menyampah dengan dia kan.
bila aku cakap?

buat Aqilah:
dah lama kita tak contact eh.
aku tak marah yang kau pergi kat dia.
tapi kau dah janji.
berapa banyak janji kau da bilang aku pon
aku tak dapat kira.
kau mungkiri tu semua janji.
dah tu jelah.
aku dah lupakan semua tu.

harap apa yang aku type ni.
akan membuka mata korang yang terasa.
aku tak membenci orang.
tapi orang buat aku benci orang.
dalam hati,aku masih anggap korang
sebagai kawan2 aku.
things will never be the same again for sure.
n let it be that way!

nak benci aku tu kau nye pasal lah.
apa kata kan nadiah,shimada n aqilah.
korang join forces.
lepas tu bunuh aku ah.
dah murder,mayat aku
aku suggest kau buang kat sungai yg ada buaya.
sedapkan hati korang gitu?

2005-06-04T01:03:00.000+08:00

kakak sharmilah i love you
my family i love you
mak i love you
nenek cik family i love you all
my aunts n uncles i love you all

the rest ....sorry

2005-06-02T10:55:00.000+08:00

constantly girl, you're on my mind.....
girl i think about u all the time.....
and even though words are hard to say....
girl i miss u.....
never though i'd feel this way....

eh wait wait wait a jeez! fuck u girl!!!!!

yesterday's plan was fucked up.
the 2 girls had adhoc shitty things.
one had to accompany granny to clinic.
n the other went to JB with her guy to buy some clothes.
n the competition's on this Friday,3rd June 05!
we promised to have practice 4 days straight.
but there have to be some people to spoil it man.
so today the practice should be flawless.
all out or nothing.
i have faith in u guys...
so lets give a hell of a performance tomorrow ya!

SINGAPORE STREET FESTIVAL 05
CINELEISURE STAGE . YOUTH PARK
PRELIMINARY ROUNDS
6.30PM
GROUP / SOLO CATEGORY

do come down if u guys are free alright.

to my beloved sister...Farah Nadiah
please conduct yourself well in school.
dont let Abah n Mama down.
make lotsa friends but dont be very close to them.
believe me.
yesterday a bairn messaged me.
she asked me for your mobile number.
i asked back "for what?" cos i have the right.
she replied "for fun" n i deleted it.
see sis,i dont mind u being friends with her or anyone.
just know ur limits.
take me as an example.
how many setbacks did i sufffer in my life?
from friends..ya friends..fucking players of feelings!
if u see anyone in school who knows me,
please dont mention my name.

n to YOU (whoever it may concern)
if u try to do anything funny to my little sis
i swear to God ill find your sweet n sour chicken ass.
if i dont beat the hell out of u,better pray hard.
if my sis cries, you'll die in tears.

cos this arrogant-irritating guy u guys have labelled
can be very mean at the rightest time.

2005-05-31T23:21:00.000+08:00

hari ini dalam hidupku...

aku semakin bingit dengan wujudnya kawan2 perempuanku.
ada yang berhutang sampai janji tinggal janji.
ada yang menuduh aku sebarangan tanpa asal usul periksa.
ada yang fikir aku menyakat dia pasal aku shiok kat dia.
ada yang boleh mengutuk..tapi nangis bila dikutuk.

ada yang nak tunjuk kemarahan dengan pelbagai segi cara.
dengan niat di hatinya,aku akan cemburu dan marah.
pergi mampus!

semakin kurang manusia tag aku sekarang.
(by the way..thanks ria n kakak for tagging)
aku kini sudah jadi alat kebencian.
dicap sombong,kerek,tak sedar diri.
dah rezeki aku menang pertandingan dan
lantas dijemput ke beberapa majlis besar
untuk menyumbang suara aku yang tak seberapa ni.
jadi mengapa kamu semua rasa iri hati?

alasan korang untuk nak menutup kesalahan korang tu
semua spontan..dan itu semua mcm sial untuk aku.
mcm muka korang jugak.

kau nak makan duit hutan tu,makanlah.
kau nak buat jantan tu jadi suami sejati kau,buatlah.
kau takleh angkat bila aku kutuk kau,kau nye pasal lah.
kau nak tuduh aku tanpa alasan kukuh,suka hati kau lah.

setidak2nya...kau masih ada kawan2 sejati kau
yang boleh diharap.
cuma kwn2 menengah aku je sehidup semati.
kwn2 primary dgn poly..entahlah.

kalau korang tanak sms aku ke,
tanak tegur aku ke,
tanak senyum kat aku ke,
nak putuskan persahabatan kita ke,
tanak kelua raya dgn kita lagi ke,
tanak duduk sebelah aku lagi ke,
TERPULANG PADA DIRI MASING2 OKAY.

mujur ada adik perempuan aku yang aku boleh harap.
ok lah..diah....
kalau ada siapa2 kat skola yang kau jumpa,
iaitu kwn2 aku,
dan yang benci aku,
senyumlah kat mereka.
kau bilang dorang yang satu hari,
aku akan bunuh dorang.

2005-05-22T01:27:00.000+08:00

today was great.
Tsunami Fund Raising event performance.
did 2 pieces with the members of SOULZ.
lonely no more by rob thomas & i believe i can fly by r.kelly.
soundman suck n he can suck my p****!
but overall i enjoyed the event.
given superstar treatment man..
free pizzas from pizza hut,wedges,litres of coke & biscuits.
i was so full before my performance that i had to let it all out quick.
n guess what?i took a pic w Donita Rose! kakak jealous..
she hugged me no joke..she's so adorable..heehee

before leaving Siglap CC,i managed to take some things away.
16 packets of the assorted biscuits & a 1.5 litre coke bottle.
great experience with great people involved.
im so happy that i met ilyas.
dont know how can i ever repay him.

2005-05-19T11:27:00.000+08:00

treasure your lives.
experimenting with it can be deadly.
or sometimes may turn out fine.
whatever goal you're trying to achieve...
please do know that the final goal is eventually
to die.

u dont need your friends.
they are such a pain in the ass.
so listen to yourself.
isolating yourself is one great way
to ease your mind.
but when things start to crumble down on u,
dont come to your friends that have showed
care throughout your friendships.
cos they are hurt by a previously hurt person.
im strong inside,i know it.
i can bounce back from setback.
u cant..you're weak..
so weak that i dont even know who u are right now.

just say that it sucks to have a friend like me.
you're everything in the world.im nothing.

2005-05-17T22:33:00.000+08:00

ok ok today i will blog differently.
nothing about anyone but me.
cos i cant be bothered.
for some people...i still care for u all.

today...............
started work at 1o.
finished at 12.30.
was a breeze at work w Naz.
then from town i set off to city hall at about 1.
had Singapore Street Festival practice.
left city hall at 5 for lakeside.
had a soccer match at Standard Chartered building.
came home n had a bath after cleaning my dirty boots.
2 minutes rest then mama asked me to go to nenek hse to take lauk2.
my knees are getting loose n the screws are rusty already.

tmr going to meet kak at town.
fiq's coming along to see his cousin's friend.
going to chill at starbucks and story2.
she's leaving for KL this friday.
haiz going to miss my cute kak again.

2005-05-14T18:25:00.000+08:00

bila aku kedepan , orang sangsi
bila aku mundur , orang benci
beginilah sepanjang hidup aku
selagi hikayat masih sudi ditulis untuk penghargaanku
seringkali bila perasaan terubah
denyut nadi dengan tidak langsung rebah
daku sendiri sukar menerima bebanan diri
apa lagi masalahmu yang kau lempar ke mari
mengapa begitu payah untukmu mengerti
jauh darimu , itulah yang aku ingin pergi
dan kini apa kita pernah miliki semua musnah
bukan hatimu , hatiku jua rasa gundah
dan ini semua bukan terjadi di atas kelekaanmu
cuma diriku yang tidak mahu
tubuhku sudah letih mendukung pangkat
yang kau berikanku , tidak terangkat
sebagai keluarga , sebagai kwn yg dapat ku peranankan
ku takkan tinggi jika diriku untukmu adalah seorang lawan
yang lain mungkin hairan apa yang ku lakukan ini
fahamilah ini cuma rintihan hati
seorang hamba yg hanya mampu menjadi kawan
tiada niat untuk buat hatinya rasa rawan
disini dgn rasa daif ku ingin mohon maaf
semua silap semua salah semua hilaf
dan bagaimana mampu ku maafkan diri ini
selagi kau berterusan berdiam diri

mari kita renung kembali
kenangan2 yg dinobatkan abadi
kita terlupa ada yang terluka
tapi kita tidak bermaksud untuk melakukannya

so now i leave it to you
what u wanna do next all up to you
its your life
n i cant be bothered
my probs are mine so ill never share w anyone else
im here if u wanna share yours
i know im being selfish but what about u?
im doing something for your own good
oh wait
for everyone's own good

n kak i need ur shoulder now
ive done sthg wrong
ive hurt her
so what should i do now?
my family's turning their back on me
n i couldnt careless
abah believes that im a useless trailer park trash
good for nothing brother
i dono what good he sees in Faiz!
u have been a great sms companion
i feel guilty throwing those pathetic n petty smses at u
n u replied calmly after seeing so many exclamation marks

i cant trust anybody ya
i dont trust anybody
gd example...my parents

so ya tata titi tutu
have fun
w the more important people in ur lives
apa2 picit je

2005-05-10T10:01:00.000+08:00

wah wah turima kaseh wo karna datang baca wa nye blog.
wah itu smalam ah pakcik wa bangun lambak oi.
wa mula keja lambak pasai dia wo.
tapi nasib kita bayek wo pasal kita dua abes tu kurja cepat.
lepas tu pakcik wa ajak wa teman dia pi tu HDB blanch opis.
kat pasir ris pasal dia mau appeal dia nye saman wo.
wah punyalah boling kat pasir ris wa nengok.
lapas appeal ah kita dua pi nengok olang pancing.
pasir ris punya pishing village happening wo.
tapi kita tak nampak satu olang pon dapat ikan.
punyalah boling!
sampai sikarang wa punya gaji bulum masuk2 lagi wo.
wa nak marah tak sampai hati pulak wo.
tak apalah biar wa ikat purut aja lah ho.

sumalam wa ada itu rehearsal untok s'pore street festival.
dekat itu city hall link situ ho.
nyanyi2 lansing2 takda ingat dunia wo.
tapi gelek ho sumalam.
manyak lesbians dan itu gays ah joget2 kat tempat wa plektis sumalam wo.
sapa2 yang terasa ho lu suma moleh talan ayer luor wa ho.
wa hari ni off !
pakcik wa pon manyak panat ho.
wa agak ho hali ni nanti musti pi tu pancing kat malina bay ley.

aiya wa ingat wa mau kuluarkan feelings wa ley.
tapi wa ingat balek ho nanti olang ingat wa prasan la.
jadi ah wa lebih bayek share dengan kawan2 dan kakak wa la ho.
diorang lebeh paham wa ho.
wa tulis ini pon hati wa takda sedap wo.
suma dah ada teman2 rapat ho jadi wa da tanak ngacau diorang lagi.
nanti wa kene chap busybody ley.
olang kadang2 ho suka mayen plasaan olang ho.
tapi wa ni punyabar olangnya.
jadi wa never resort to violence.
cuma bila takleh tahan ah baru wa tumbok ho.

i just miss some people...feel like wanna cry....ya like real!
ain (not my ex) where are you?
yitno where are you?
nadiah where are you? wait!!!! i dont wana know..
kak ayu where are you?
abg zul where are you?
i love my girl cousins...
ina,shahnaz,nurul,idah,kak ayu,kak nini all lah!
go dinner together k one day tau.
n finally my Holland V kakak yang tgh kerja keras.
love you too...much much more..

k lah thats all.
go n die y'all....
ya im unpredictable...
love you..
eh wrong fuck you!
ooops ok lah...go n die only lah k.

2005-05-07T23:17:00.000+08:00

the waves of feelings in me have not settle down.
still...im so stubborn to like her.
dear God,please remove her from my heart.
i dont need her...but why my heart does?
many sincere thanks to kak for hearing me out.
trailer park trash i am right? sorry...

my empty meaningless world was filled w happiness.
last wednesday i performed at the SAA awards night.
jie jie came down to watch me sing.
yesterday (friday) watched Kingdom of Heaven w her again.
jie u better dn stop laughing cos i'd love to join.
she really has this contagious laughing gas.
how i hope Diah could get such love from kak.
im a useless,good for nothing abang.
hope Diah n kak will get along soon.
cos they both like to laugh.

tmr kak yani n kak zaza are getting married.
i mean da nikah..besok upacara sanding.
congrats to them n may God bless u two siblings.
while im still finding the exit from my life's maze..
others are happily living their lives.
they dont need me n i dont need them.
i dont wana disturb anyone anymore.
except for my blood.they understand me.
to those of you who are having problems.
share with me if it suits me.
if not,find others who are experts in them.

so for now just leave me alone.
wana hate me? by all means.
i cant be loved by everyone , can i?
so ya..u go your way.n i go mine.
thanks for the memories.
n sorry for the burden.

2005-05-04T22:31:00.000+08:00

ku awali hariku dgn mendoakanmu
agar kau selalu sihat dan bahagia di sana
sebelum kau melupakanku lebih jauh
sebelum kau meninggalkanku lebih jauh
ku hanya ingin bila kau melihatku kapan pun
di mana pun hatimu kan berkata seperti ini
pria inilah yang jatuh hati padamu
pria inilah yang kan selalu memujamu

akulah orang yang selalu menaruk bunga
dan menuliskan cinta di atas mejamu
akulah orang yang kan selalu mengawasimu
menikmati indahmu dari sisi gelapku
dan biarkan aku jadi pemujamu
jangan pernah hiraukan perasaan hatiku
tenanglah tenang pujaan hatiku sayang
aku takkan sampai hati bila menyentuhmu

mungkin kau takkan pernah tahu
betapa mudahnya kau tuk dikagumi
mungkin kau takkan pernah sedar
betapa mudahnya kau tuk dicintai

akulah orang yang akan selalu memujamu
akulah orang yang akan selalu mengintaimu

kerna hanya dengan perasaan rinduku
yang dalam padamu ku pertahankan hidup
maka hanya dengan jejak2 hatimu
ada erti ku telusuri hidup ini
selamanya hanya ku bisa memujamu
selamanya hanya ku bisa merindukanmu

2005-04-28T23:23:00.000+08:00

scores to settle n things to clear

things aren't going smoothly
i want everyone gone badly
im not living my life fully
in a battle against myself...really

being known draws enemies
from the start i've expected it
break me to the very last piece
controlled by their own evil greed

so ya i've scores to settle

2005-04-27T20:15:00.000+08:00

woke up at 8.30 am..
started burberry job with Naz at 9.45..
finished the consignments by 11.30..fast eh!
met Naz's friend cos he wanted Naz to assist him in buying 13-ft fishing rod.
after that Naz n i went fishing at Marina..
managed to catch two fish..ikan Tembakol n ikan Mas..
hehe nolah..Gelama n the other w dont know what..

had a soccer match at Standard Chartered lakeside with abah.
someone said im too manja dgn abah..shar u watch out ah..
he fetches me everytime from home if there's a match.
ya n Cik Swandi gave me a hard knock to my tailbone.
im gonna get u next time..tua tua pergi mampos suah..

n to you..hehehe..
thanks for being a great sms companion.
appreciate that...we'll meet one day ya.
i know u will never tag or read this ugly blog.
treat me like a bro ya..
btw shar y so dumb move from cck to yewtee?
hehe come to my hse one day lah manja dgn chichi n chika..

k k have a peaceful night guys..
may ur dreams tonight turn into nightmares.
n may u fall off ur beds..

2005-04-26T13:21:00.000+08:00

ok guys..dont hate for this...
but here some pics i took during the rehearsals for
Muzika Ekstravaganza...
so unlucky didnt manage to take with them.

=> ramli sarip..our own Papa Rock

=> francesca peters..my mom's all-time favourite

=> ruffedge sorting things out with Abang Indra

=> (from left) Azan , Cat , Zain & our very own Jatt of BDB

=> the playful idols singing w vince.

=> vince chong..the friendliest during the rehearsal.

2005-04-24T15:19:00.000+08:00

tadi aku main untuk team sobrie.
lawan dgn team rasfan..kita menang 3-2..
ok ok that's a stupid intro.

biarlah aku kosongkan tekak aku sambil bilang korang ape cerita panas dan tak begitu panas yg telah mengelilingiku kebelakngan ni.
nadiah asik kol aku je.
utk ape? nak bilang cerita psl dia dgn date dia.
dia ckp sthg bad happened between them..mmm i don wanna hear.

being happy for someone is like hurting myself inside.
n when u shud be sad for them,actually down inside ure breathing a sigh of relief.

i must confess something to someone soon before it's too late.
but i think the best time is when im lying on my deathbed.
so that right after i blow those words out,i'll be gone.
* u will never know me
* u will never see me
* u will never remember me

thanks a lot for the memories....

yours insincerely,
farhan

2005-04-22T20:16:00.000+08:00

should be at caldecott's main theatre watching the full dress rehearsal for Muzika Ekstravaganza.
but no...Naz is too tired and Abg Mail n Abg Yunos are still at Thomson working on their latest pelamin design.
but im not that sad babe..
i managed to take some pics of the singers yesterday.
i took them quietly n sneakily cos Kak Eton said "by right,u can't take their pics.."
i remembered how Abg Yunos rolled his eyes when he heard that.
i must say Naz n the co are stupid cos they are missing the greatest opportunity to watch the artistes performing in front of their eyes...live some more.
Siti, Dayang, Vince, Ruffedge....
lucky Naz! he got to chat w Dayang for a while yest! lucky lucky!
i shook hands with Cat n Azan of Ruffedge.
had a great conversation w Vince..friendly guy he is..
the most memorable thing yest is when Naz n i talked abt afro guys.

triplenoize was sitting behind us..together w dalina.
the ones w afro/retro hair were rama,dalina n her bf.
Naz n i saw this percussionist in front of us..his hair afro.
then Naz blurted out carelessly.."org gini kalau kat custom gi m'sia,gerenti kene tahan"..
n suddenly the laughter n chatterings behind us stopped abruptly.
n both Naz n i had this shaky smileys plastered on our face.
the greatest applause was for Jatt n Ramli Sarip...
the one yang banyak songeh is ...guess who?!our own SINGAPORE IDOL!!!
everyone didnt even complain abt the mic sound n shit.
well some did but at least not that much.
taufik was like looking at us everytime he started singing..
signalling us that he cudnt hear his voice.
he did that continuously n honestly his performance sucks!
jacq was great singing "my boo"..ruffedge shouted "usher usher!!"
i believe it was a sarcastic remark by them..n i liked it..
aiya..shud be sitting at caldecott's theatre's seat n watching the show.
Siti man...she is there now!!

n Sharmila...nice smsing u..
just get to know u last yest n now like..woah...hehehe..
n i wanna make it clear..im into setting up pelamin n sound system.
u always wanna twist my words n confuse me.
one day will drop bu Holland V to see u ya..
btw i know exactly where 667 is..so keep a lookout k babe.

k lah..seems like im forgetting abt my probs for the moment..
so ya..im fine..thanks to Muzika job...
mmm when will i get my pay?

2005-04-19T23:10:00.000+08:00

u guys shud buy peterpan's second n latest album.
their songs have been earworms to me lately.
til now,"2 dsd" n "bintang di syurga" keep playing in my head.
ok lah im exaggerating actually.

today was great.
helped naz n abg mail on the sound system.
where? mediacorp caldecott broadcast centre's studio A.
we set out the intended layout n within minutes it was finished.
then naz n i did burberry consignments before heading caldecott again.
i saw dj mariam from Warna n aknowledged her.she smiled.

tmr will be even greater.
im going back there to do the 2nd rehearsal again.
but this time with the real singers.
siti,taufik,ruffedge,vince,dayang will bet at studio A tmr!
naz n i are planning to take pics w them.
my olympus!!!where are you!!!???
FYI..its for the event this coming saturday.
"muzik ekstravaganza" was what naz told me.
tmr i must make sure i bring extra clothes to take pics w them.
nice clothes that is..
ok ok most probably u guys are like "menyampahnye aku"...

ok gd nite....im happy.

2005-04-18T13:07:00.000+08:00

im here to apologise for my previous entry.
for those who organised the pit on friday,im terribly sorry.
what i said was harsh...but put urself in my shoes.
anuar,eri,taufiq,ain n aidil...pls forgive me.
obviously emotions take over intelligence when ure angry.
certainly u guys are talking abt me among urselves.
abt my entry...n slowly i'll be seen as ur enemy.

there are just things i regret doing.
but what's past is past..i'll be careful nx time.
i hope there's no silence when we go out tghtr nx time.
call me anything u want...i accept..
im a loser...bounce my mouth too much carelessly.
not sparing a thought abt others' feelings.
pls accept my apology guys.

2005-04-17T22:25:00.000+08:00

azam,faisal n i chilled at town after soccer.
azam wanted to check out levi's jeans down there.
it was expensive n he decided to buy it at lot 1 instead some other day.
we talked about so many things..problems n love life.
ya life...n it seems that faisal's n mine are kinda same.
azam still the same old him with the same old stories.
we have feelings for someone but we're just not sure ourselves.
both the girls we talked about are so cunning.
really know how to cover up holes at the last minute.
n leaves u with multiple thoughts.
we're in denial ya faisal...azam u can keep quiet.
but it's predictable if u two become a couple one day.
while im just hanging on with hope as my lifeline.
ya n i cant count on hope i guess.
i think its better if i follow azam's way.
crush...next day...who is she?
u guys will not n cannot be replaced.
we are indispensable ah ya.

aku tak sabar utk raya lagi....
ngila dan tawa akan berkumandang sekali lagi.
kutukan n umpat keji tomahan akan kedengaran lagi.

2005-04-16T10:04:00.000+08:00

thursday had a great time w sis.
im sorry if i was so lame that day.
n may u find the right guy.hehehehee..
go on n be secretive okay!

yesterday was like ***********!
thanks to nadiah,i spent abt $45 carelessly.
first at puncak,then those neo-prints u wanted to take w me.
n the most ****ing part..samar cafe!
u said its ur treat.n u told me u were left w 27 bux!
i have to top up 35 for that.
n i hope u'll keep ur promise.
next week must...
i really hate u nadiah..for that!

now for the bbq pit i went to after sheesha.
lowdown boring nak mampos nye pit ever!
as i said the organisers are miss lembek n mr faggy.
so just imagine ok ppl.
have to pay 7..i'll not say more.
ain n aidil i hope ure reading this.
u two should pay us back our money.
seriously,u guys suck.
like aidil sucking his bf's u know what.
faggy what.aarrrghhhhh fuck u two lah!
eh ain,im not jealous lah u bringing ur "friend".
jadi jgn perasan..n i was not talking to u that time.
i know zam better than u.
u will lose ur mother V soon enough.
but anyway.i dont give a damn.
just dn organise ANYTHING anymore.

im really sorry.im not in a gd mood right now.
nadiah pls pay me back..i have to survive for the next week.

2005-04-13T23:12:00.000+08:00

kebelakangan ni aku lihat aku makin kamchingho.
dgn siapa?dgn kak ayu dan abg heerman.
lunch together,went bowling n chilled together.
n i feel guilty when u two didnt want me to use my money.
last saturday was great.
bowling lain,pool lain..dibelanja makan lain.
naik cab lain...felt like mr pampered that day.
love u two...

tmr going out..goinna use my $50 hmv voucher.
apa agaknya akan ku beli eh?
friday goin out for shisha n dinner..nadiah belanja.
after that goin straight to east coast.
bbq pit ain dgn aidil..gerenti pit tu tak menjadi nye.
dua2 organisers takleh harap.
satu lembek...lagi satu bapok.
one weakling and one faggy lah katakan.
dua2 pemalas nak book.suruh eri bookkan.
nasib baik aku baik hati teman eri.

dan bila aku bilang korang aku kene tanya mak aku.
fahamilah yang aku ni sayang n respect mak aku.
dia yg lahirkan aku.
dia ada hak atas aku.
jgn bilang aku korg semua anak babi kan..
tu pasal mak2 korg tak amik kisah.
don give a fuck lah katakan.
ni aku direct kat org2 tertentu tau.
yg tak tahu menahu jgn tersedu sedan nangis tak tentu arah pulak.

ok lah apa2 pon terjadi korg tetap kwn2 aku.
bila aku jatuh korg ketawakan.
bila aku berjaya korg kutuk.
bestnye dpt kwn2 mcm korg ni eh

2005-04-12T20:42:00.000+08:00

i'm lost in many
when the rain's falling
as i hold my tears from dropping

i'm lost in many
as i reach out my hand gently
intention kept achieved barely

u turned and disappeared
left me suspicious
to think u're the rose with sharp thorns

u turned and vanished
taking my spirit with u
as i clinged onto my own shadow

laughing happily
no longer heard
clearly recorded in time
piercing cries
dragging sympathy
i'm clueless from where it's coming
like merciless waves
punishing me
with no love seen from its' eyes

sometimes,things u find may take over ur life.
so dont go explore with no reason in life.
we can defeat peer pressure.
for u to be happy, is for them to be angry.
when u know there're enemies out there.
make sure ure reliable friends outnumber them.
i cant love everyone at the same time n standard.
i cant show it fuck it.
u will come to realise that noone needs u.....
at a long point of time.
and that's when u'll be like..
become like me...

2005-04-10T23:09:00.000+08:00

di belakangku

kau peluk aku sebelum membunuhku

tersenyum melihatku termenung melihatmu

kau menungguku menunggu ku terjatuh

setiap langkah tertuju setia dalam renungku

aku......

menunggumu menunggumu menunggumu

mati......

di depanku di depanku di depanku

apa yang kau lakukan di belakangku

mengapa tak kau tunjukkan di hadapanku

2005-04-03T22:30:00.000+08:00

tadi ada game kat redhill.kalah 2-1..
aku tak kisah kalah,everyone enjoyed the game.
aku makan tumit budak ni...
dah makan,perot dia pulak aku tersiku.
mmg padan dgn muka konek dia..mulut tak tahu diam.

da balik bola ikot abah semua gi jb.
sanggup aku burn akunye evaluation.nasib baik free.
went to this KIP mart lah.
makan2,beli benda dapur..
abah dgn aku beli a pair of converse shoes each.
abah beli colour brown , mine colour blue.
kat pasar tani mkn dua kebeb ayam mcm lahabau sak aku.
lapar sak...bangsa makan tak baca bismillah.
jumpa arip dgn scrambler step dakar dia.
aku try test ah apa lagi.

i just cant get u off my mind ah babe.
who are you ah?can i know ur name?
kat fc2 aku nak makan hari tu pon tak peaceful.
u lihat me , i lihat u.
azlan sampai jealous hahaha.
mata u dalah besar mcm i..goldfish katakan.
yes i know u came down for talentime.
nak kenyit mata dgn i kenyit je ah.
im single dont worry.

k lah besok aku ada prac moto.
nak tdo ah beb.evaluation kene book lagi.
haiz aku ni tak tahu ape nak jadi dgn diri aku ni.
kdg2 aku influenced dgn org nye blog entry.

yitno,es,syed n tim..
friday shisha prinsep place ah k..
aku belanja straw dgn tissue..

today is my last paper!!

2005-03-31T22:48:00.000+08:00

reached school at abt 10.30 am.
studied for two hours at mac with sausage mcmuffin as my breakfast.
capt chatur approached me with a smile plastered in his face.
"han,u joined talentime right?"...."ya"
"i want u to perform for SMA day this august"...
"please,i really want to see u perform"....
and i was like....how did he know?
n all that i absorbed for one hour or so just drained out from the ears.
n it took quite some time for them to penetrate back in.

ok lah i have to go now.
wanna chill w my cats for a while.
now u all know why i am still single.

at yitno's place

2005-03-29T15:31:00.000+08:00

was at yitno's place from 3 to 8pm.
supposed to study but did other things instead.
i was in front of e comp while he watched Talentime video.
after that at abt 5 plus,we slept in the living room.
like two crocodiles tired after being fooled by baits of a zookeeper.
woke up at 7.30pm n continued studying for a while.
abah called to fetch me go mak's place.woke yitno up.

for the past week or so,my life has been wonderful.
n no! not bcos of the talentime thing...
but actually thanks to it, i realised how wonderful life is.
it doesnt matter who starts first..
as long as ure intention is to make friends.

my specs is getting on my nerves lah.
senget satu hal,my batang idong pain sey..
and sis,im not vain..im a boy,eh wait im a guy.
its not as if im metrosexual ahaha.
just hate it carrying weight on my nose stalk.

this coming 2 month holiday is to :
finish up my 2b licence..
pergi gym keluarkan lemak selemak2nye..
chill out w the other soloists n the hommies.
shisha pe babe?

ok ok bye i wanna study.
tmr's Safety Environment in Shipping.
interesting module but jia lat nak mampos.

eh my secondary riggots!? where r u all man..
bila nak kelua bersuka ria?
kaki aku da gatal nak tendang bola ni..manager da lari pe?
buat bisnes jual todi gerenti sak.

ok ok im out..but im not out physically..
eh ape2 je lah aku ni....

2005-03-26T01:10:00.000+08:00

i would like to thank these people:
friends . . . .
azam,anuar,ain,arifah,fadz,
faris,jam,faisal,saini,eri,
fir cicak,taufiq,ahmad,sazali,atiqi
,farid,boy rozaili n saiful....hidup mati kranji!

shimada n friends
vel,hafizah,wan,E n bella...

family . . . .
mama,abah,diah,faiz,mariam
mak,tante,naz,jang,uncle shahril
kak izan,haziq,kak yan,jaja,izzah
busu yam,hasif,dirah,nurul and friends
nenek cik,cik su,didi,harith
bibik,huda,dayah,ziqah,
abg mail n friends

friends i made in the process . . . .
ilyas,fiza,iskandar,nurul,syed
molly,faliq,yan,max,manuel..

without u all,life would not be as pretty.....
im serious alright...anyway we cant expect everyone to like us right.
nadiah,ure a great friend and hold on k..great job being the mc girl!

to the solo finalist,the trophy s not mine..it's OURS!
I MEAN IT OURS!!!!!!
we clicked very fast and i love u all
do keep in contact aites!
anyone can accompany me to hmv one day??

2005-03-19T22:46:00.000+08:00

my assigments are piling up and my talentime final is on next week 24th march.
on the 21st,22nd and 23rd,i have exams on that days.
so ya im choked up inside and maybe just maybe im suffering from depression.
but the last rehearsal was great.the way fiza and nurul danced!
im fascinated but there were no any intentions or whatsoever.
just fascinated...fullstop.

im so happy to see that those i know,friends i mean,are happy with their partners.
and i have no plans to find one for me any time soon..
cos i believe my mum has not received the highest level of love from me yet.
the last fucked up relationship really taught me something.
sometimes its the external factors that tear u apart.
we were still deeply in love.and i let her go cos i loved her.
but the truth is a hinderance....a maze we can never escape.
i hope she's doing fine after her late break-up w a guy after me.

wanna know wat y'all ? i just dont know whats wrong with me.
just wat is it that im really finding...
i dont hurt people when im down..i hurt myself.
there's a rebellion ready to happen in my heart.but against who?
myself again...maybe u all think that im trying gain sympathy.
its accidental that i tend to need people that dont need me in their lives.

very sad right!!

2005-03-12T03:13:00.000+08:00

tika ku putus harapan, kau kedepan
jika ku jatuh tersungkur, kau bangunkan
ku bersyukur kerana kau ada
kau buat kehidupan ku sempurna

bila ramai yg membenci, ku kau sayangi
tika ramai yang memuji, kau mengerti
masaku bukan hanya milik kita
tetapi untuk dikongsi semua

andainya kau tiada, aku kan parah
kehilangan arah dan hancur rebah
kaulah segalanya makna kehidupanku
oh Tuhanku tolonglah beri ku restu
ku dalam pelukannya di saat itu
saat daku dipejamkan mataku

kau beriku kekuatan bila tertekan
beri yang ku perlu, dan cintamu
aku yakin akulah jejaka
yang paling bertuah di dunia

inilah duniaku, impi damai di sisimu
inilah bebasku, bersamamu yang ku rindu
inilah duniaku, insan seni di sisimu
inilah bebasku, bersamamu yang ku rindu..

2005-03-06T00:53:00.000+08:00

what a day today...
and i dont mean good by that...
just came back from costa sands...
tired...just fed-up with them there...

aku sedar betapa hinanya aku pada korang skg...
tapi kalau nak bueh* pon, alas2lah sikit...
kalau kau aku,kau pon sakit hati...
tak suka aku,amik tu pisau ke pistol...tembak ke tikam ah babe!
bukan kau je yg tak suka muka aku ni...
lagi belombok kat luar tu pon sekaki dgn kau...
nak senyum pon muka tak ikhlas...
aku tahu muka aku ni mcm sombong...
bukan mcm,memang sombong pon...
ape gunanya kawan kalau tak sanggup berkongsi jamban...?
dan nasihat korang semua tak guna...
kwn2 poly class aku pon semua mcm c*bai...
termasuk sedare2 aku sekali...

im still confused...why are these unexplainable things happening to me?

2005-02-28T22:24:00.000+08:00

....and so the story goes on....
Farhan made a huge mistake and that mistake appeared to be the turning point in his life.
but being the stubborn me,i will not change anything.
i'll just accept and see what's next for me.
i've lost so many battles in my life but my head's still high.
even if i gave all my heart out or not,im still me.
and i will not change just because one sweet gentle girl wants me to.
the result is still the same, n the product will forever remains.
ya i know i cant expect everyone to like me.
n im not someone whom u should like.
which one should i choose?
between friends n myself?
making ur friends happy or u urself happy?
lets just wait for that very day
when the smoke is set,and the dust has settled.
then u all will know how gd or bad i am.
im not sure what's the feeling...its frustrating and confusing.

anyway guys...
had a great time chatting and walking w u'all...
berpeluh peleh kita ketawa sak...
ok ok only u'all are the best...

2005-02-26T22:46:00.000+08:00

look at that baldie...do you think he is bad?
to me he is...someone please kill him...
he just doesnt know how to please and appreciate...
many people have been hurt by him these past few days...
but maybe those people dont know why he did such things...
maybe this botak has his own problems...
but i think we better leave him alone...
he can be very unpredictable at times...
his mood varies...he can really hurt you with his words...
what more his actions...
he has nobody to turn to...he told me that he's losing grip of himself....
that noone trusts him anymore...
he really hates to be judged blindly....
but he understands that human beings are like that...
he really needs u...those who know him...

argggggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!
what the fuck man!
i just hate the fact, the truth, reality....
i dont hate myself...
it looks like i dont have any good in me anymore..
anyway yan, dont be like me...
and dont always fucking sell my name to ur mom...
ok thats all for today...grunting's is for bairns...
just accept my flaws k dudes...

2005-02-23T20:33:00.000+08:00

22nd february 2005

yeah! yeah! im so happy...
i didnt have the time to update yesterday sorry.
Nurul Huda & Nurhafizah...i wanna dance with both of you!
btw,thanks to all the judges for your comments.
i was flattered by them...& nadiah, u go girl!
now i have to find a siutable song for the real day..hehe..
i know..."hero" by mariah carey!
saw nurul huda just now at fc 3.
as beautiful as ever but still not smiling at me.
i miss her smile...she smiled at me yesterday!
what shocked me is that Nurul Huda drives a car.
& i still havent pass my riding licence.
haiz....keep on dreaming aan!!
cant wait for the finals...opening song "i dream" somemore!

just now makan free.met the gang at west mall at 8pm.
seri belanja swensens yoohoo!!
earthquake and breaded fish n chips! my tummy was bloated man.
thanks seri...n happy 19th birthday!!

23rd february 2005

was alright lah in school just now.
E and wan like usual, funny as usual...hahahaha!
accompanied nadiah til bt gombak cos i wanted to go to BBDC.
to top up my riding account.
and Eugene,nadiah is not my girlfriend.

i just received news from my mum.
Abg boy have to go for operation on his right leg.
because of what,i dont know yet.

this is the time when i'll talk about my life lately.
despite of what happened on last monday,there's a part of me thats still "down"
when i see that someone,my feelings become uncertain.
wanna talk to her..but my heart just doesnt want to.
those times will just remain as that.
it seems that both of us are doing nothing to improve it.
a part of me is always with u..

2005-02-15T21:57:00.000+08:00

oik when are we goinna meet?
u msged me that wait at coffebean lot 1 last monday.
ok next monday we'll meet ya in the audition room.
hey nadiah nice talking to you lately.
pandai eh kau,malam2 bila boring,kau call aku eh.
i'll sing to you Cinta tragika full song k next monday.

hah kak..bila kita nak bersua lagi..
ckp je suruh jumpa.
that day i saw abg man at bbdc taking his FTP.
ur hubby's going fast..when's ur next prac kak?
sorrylah kak i didnt have the time to pay u a visit last week.
i promised to come over to help u cook n play playsation 2 with abg man..haha
really busy these past few days lah kak.

n its always fun to chat with u n abg man...
n kak ayu youre beatiful..dont let ppl's words pull u down ya.
me n diah n faiz love u all..

2005-02-14T17:59:00.000+08:00

Maritime Economics = 66%
That is 66 out of hundred!
Ok ok its not that bad actually as i only studied the night before the test.
66 marks is good enough from a one-night study.

Great day in school.
Chicken cutlet rice w thai sauce...n gaining each day...haha
Layoff was not long enough but i have to admit that i miss my poly hommies.
Talked about girls and everything nice..

Casper persuaded me to go n watch MMSP.
But i have noone to accompany me Casper.
u'll be behind the stage co-ordinating right?
Anyway,the contestants don't look like this kinda competition's material.
Then who am i goinna sit beside to? Xian lah u Casp!
I just hope M2 and F1 win the comp..

Yan,bila nak buat stunt Yamakasi lagi?
Kita suruh adik kau record video kita ah.
Kau jgn pakai slipper pulak,ada nanti bengkak lagi ankle kau.

2005-02-13T22:03:00.000+08:00

sorry i have to delete my earlier entry...

congrats Cik Apis for your splendid performance for Rock Opera concert.
seeing your name on Berita Harian makes me so proud of you.
"dengan tiupan maut Hafiz Jamat..."
Abah was like so elated n proud that he asked to send u a message.
i believe Cik Su has informed you ya.

my friends n relatives are doing so fine with their lives.
why is mine not going astream with them?
guess im just fated not to be like that.
i suffered so many ilnesses lately.
eczaemia,flu,cough,headaches...............
hypertension -> that's what the doctor said.
thanks, i really appreciate that.
my life is not going according to MY plans.

tmr's the start of the new term..
poly friends are'nt like my secondary hommies.

and now many are starting to isolate me.
love me or hate me,this is who i am.
certainly emotions take over intelligence when ppl are angry right?
and my friends are drifting away from me..
not all,but some..and some is not a few!

if you think what im doing lately is just to "earn" sympathy.
then i have nothing to say..Fuck You ok!
im arrogant right! stuck up! act cute!
please change my dear friends...

2005-02-05T16:52:00.000+08:00

there's a girl that i used to know
and she loved me so
suddenly she let go
i guess u should know
now she's in ur arms and ur kiss on her hand
and ur ring's on her finger
and u get to have and to hold
her body and soul
i'll never trust another man again

cos ure the one who made her believe
that ure better than the rest
and u told her that she
was a girl in distress
u build her a castle in a faraway land
with everything that i have
and now that she's gone so from this day on
i'll never trust another man again

maybe in time i can forgive
but i can never forget that i've been hurt so bad
dont ask me to believe
cos that's what is best
dont ask me to understand
i'll never trust another man again

maybe she should know
that i loved her so
that i'll never trust another woman again

sesingkat waktu itu
aku masih menantikan sesuatu darimu
sekila cinta ragu
engkau masih menidakkan perasaan rindumu

jikalau pelangi enggan bermain wewarnanya
jikalau mentari enggan berkongsi bebahangnya

barulah aku mengaku cinta kita telah musnah
barulah aku mangaku cinta kita kekal pada

ditelan kerakusan kenyataan kehidupan
dipukul kegagahan kepahitan kerinduan

engkaulah lambang cinta karam tragika
akulah di bahtera cinta tragika.......

2005-02-03T22:37:00.000+08:00

u know what...
the cuts are still painful n getting on my nerves.
sucky Singapore River and River Raft Race.
and u wanna know what somemore?
my back part of my head accidentally hit the wooden frame of my bed.
thanks i really appreciate it..it wasnt painful..
its FUCKING painful!!
just now the skimmers / hommies came to my house..
to finish up our projects..fuhhh all wrapped up guys!

ya that was before i knocked my head to that frame..
can someone set a goal for me?
cos im still not getting any..what the f*ck right.
tmr im having a match at sentosa..
playing for Naz's friend's team...
then Sunday also there's another match at Redhill..
now it's for Han's team.

just cant stop playing..sorry...
i want some knocks..
give me some rough tackles and body contacts guys!!
break my leg! punch my head!
i want some blood oozing out from my head or from wherever it is.

haiz..my life..ok lah.
dont wana brag about it anymore..
i miss my friends...those who were once close to me.
things will never go back to what it used to be ah guys..
i appreciate the times n will always remember the moments..

just leave me alone..
im better off alone..
curse me all u want...
i really crave for them...

2005-02-01T20:22:00.000+08:00

what the hell can i talk about today eh?..

ok let me start..sat for Biz-stats paper just now..
for sure i'll pass lah but score? are u kidding..!
after luch i headed straight to BBDC..prac 3.01..
Alhamdulillah i passed n proceed to 3.02 prac.
was in my Levi's just now n the cuts i got from SRRR is still painful.
the cuts are horrendous i tell u.at the right side of my right leg..
gashes..u know how it feels like when "still red n watery" cuts brush against denim material????
i bet u all know..

now let me talk about my life lately..
there's always an accident everyday to hit me..
my neck,my head..but the worst ine so far is..
the cuts n gashes from Singapore River Raft Race..
Singapore River sucks i tell u.
maybe God really wants me to get it..
and im avoiding my friends..i dont know why..
recession?depression?frustration?
u just dont get the hints right?! im just too stupid..
thanks nadiah for knocking some sense into me w ur foul mouth..
i really appreciate it girl..
call me anything u want k..
"sombong".."step fierce".."kerek".."hamlau"
thanks y'all..keep it up...use more "sharp" words if possible k..
n ive said it n i'll say it again now..
"please injure me if u really hate me"
if the sight of me really irritate u..
if my nonsense really annoy u..

nadiah next week jumpa aku k kat CB lot 1 or anywhere u like ah.
i need some couselling...to be precise,i need to die...

hi have a good day

2005-01-31T17:50:00.000+08:00

i need to be with somebody.please.
i need some counselling...about myself.
or maybe about others too...
ive come to notice that sometimes people say things indirectly.
n there're always hidden agendas behind them.
looking at the past at times i'd wish i could be born again.
so i can rectify mistakes n my wrongdoings..
attempt on minimizing my sins before my story ends.

that "anonymous" who left a tag that day..
u said i have to get a grip of myself..i just dont know how.
please talk to me..everyone is isolating me..
or is it me trying to isolate myself from all?

please someone..
knock some sense into my head now...

just another entry...

2005-01-28T23:03:00.000+08:00

went to school to sit for my exam..
it was shockingly easy..luckily i studied like crazy the night before.
took the train and alighted at yew tee..
bought epok2 sardine which i've been craving since last 2 months.

oklah..ive nothing to talk about actually..
i have to get a grip of myself..
someone please..
please dont save me when im drowning..
im not worth remembering...

2005-01-21T18:36:00.000+08:00

okay kambings, today's entry will be in Malay...

hari ni hari raya aidiladha..
aku tgh sorang2 kat rumah ni..lain semua gi ruma pakcik aku kat choa chu kang sane..
dekat2 sungei kadot situ lah..
aku tanak join pasal aku malas..dan ada lagi sebab2 tertentu..
yang peliknya,sebab2 yg lain tu aku tak tahu cmane nak bertahu korang..
bila dikelilingi org2 yg kita sayang,aku rasa lemas..
tapi bila sorang2,rasa sunyi bosan..
aku tak tahu mana satu yg lebeh afdhal,serious..
aku sedar kdg2 reaksi aku tak rasional tapi korang gerenti faham pe..
bila kita marah,emosi kita maharajalela..
smalam Nur Farhain kelua berita kat Suria..nama detu dekat2 dgn aku pulak tu..
nilah aku,kejar bayang..bayang pon tak ingin dgn aku...
aku ni bodoh lah senang cakap..kwn2 aku semua pandai..
cuma dorang suka act stupid je aku tahu..
ada suka sakat aku sampai tak spare a thought pasal perasaan aku..
kalau pempuan tu ketiak berbulu kenape korang sakat aku?
bayangkan korang dlm kasut aku skg..ape korang rasa?
kadang2 talian darah kita sendiri yg buat kita naik angin..
aku ni penyabar..nak ckp aku kerek suka hati korang lah..
orang yg paling kenal aku aku agak mak aku sorang je..
dgn bapak aku dgn adik2 aku..
yg lain aku tak tahu..aku pon tak tahu dorang sgt kan..
bila aku niat nak main2,org ingat aku kurang aja..
cara aku SMS pon ada flaws lah kalau korang nak tahu..
da ber dozen2 org dah terasa dgn cara aku SMS..
aku tak gembira keblakangan ni..tak tenteram..
skolah pon da tak best pada aku..
kwn2 kelas aku da mcm biasa2 nye makhluk ah pada aku..
da tak erat..memang da tak erat pon..
nak ngumpat,nak kutuk,nak sakat by all means ah brader..
dosa tanggung sendiri..
aku takkan maafkan gitu senang ah..
org lain pon takkan maafkan aku gitu senang pe..
aku agak aku dgn Azri skg tgh carik haluan hidup ah..
jadi Azri,kau ada kawan seperasaan dgn kau...
selain family aku,ada jugak org2 lain yg aku sayang..
aku anggap dorang mcm adik beradik aku...
walaupon status kita kwn je..
aku tak reti ah,nape aku suka lukakan hati doarng..
maafkan aku..aku ni ibarat anjing tersepit yg korang baru lepaskan..
tak membalas budi dgn budi..
aku nak mati pasal aku da byk sakitkan hati org..
tapi aku tanak mati,pasal aku sayang makbapak dgn adik beradik aku..
yg suka menyakat org tu,biarlah beralas siket..
filter siket mulut korang tu jgn cakap baru nyesal..
jgn jadi mcm aku..Faiz,jgn jadi mcm Abang A'an tau..
dunia ni tak sempurna..dan ia bukan salah Tuhan..
apa erti kehidupan kalau takda dugaan dan cabaran..
nape nak salahkan Tuhan bila Tsunami menimpa?
sebelum tu kita ada ingat padaNya tak?'
jgn kaitkan bala bencana dgn kealpaan Tuhan..
kerana Dia ada sebab2nye..kita ni yang alpa..
haluan kita tak peka..

pada kwn2 aku yg telah ku lukai
maafkan aku
niat aku tak seperti mana kau sangkakan
hukumlah aku kalau korang rasa aku berdosa besar dgn korang
betulkan kata tutur aku kalau terkasar
kerana mangsa geram aku selalunye pada org yg aku sayang

pada kwn2 aku yg telah melukai aku
aku terima sakatan,hinaan layar buruk kau
tapi belajarlah tapis kata2 kau kalau da nak membiak tu
janganlah kau terasa bila aku campak bomb kat korang nanti
jgn salahkan org kalau kau takleh terima
walau bagaimanapon korang tetap kwn2 aku

sapa yg ada komen tentang diriku
tolong jgn fikir dua kali
tinggalkanlah tag ke pesanan ringkas ke ape2 lah
sedarkan diri aku ni
aku terima yang negative je
yg nak puji2 tu simpan jelah
nasihatlah aku
yg rasa mcm nak tikam aku tu
jgn hesitate to take that knife in the kitchen k
jgn pakai pistol pulak
tak best lah gitu
yg "peeler" utk apple tu pon aku terima

utk Taufik dan Azam...
aku tak dapat bersama kornag nanti utk Chinese New Year
tak dpt gi chalet utk join korang
mungkin aku pergi Melaka dgn family aku
kalau tak pon,aku nak dok rumah je..
boleh bebual dgn kucing2 aku..

k lah aku nak mandi..
nak gi rumah Nek aku...danak maghrib ni..
ok bye..assalamualaikum

2005-01-19T16:34:00.000+08:00

Ridwan told me just now that someone told Bella...
that she chatted with me on Msn and my nick was so full of vulgarities.
can YOU just dont poke ur nose into my business..
even Bella is sick of u..had enuff of entertaining u.
i feel very lucky to have a short-tempered mom n a patient dad.
Mama n Abah will always be with me...spiritually even..
so for those of you who dont know me well.
if im provoked n i get really "up" after that...
say thanks to my mom...
but if i keep my cool n relax...
salutes to my dad..

can i not have a girlfriend? a special one that is..
why am i so stupid n blind to always fall for those that can never be mine?
shoot me in the head will you...
go concentrate on ur life Farhan!!

Yan, lets do that thing again alright!
lets climb out of your kitchen window,
jump onto the roof of the sheltered walkway,
n finally walla to the ground floor!!
salutes to me n Yan!!!

now i would like to dedicate this to my friend..
hey whats up with u lately..
why suddenly ur blog entries are getting "obscene"?
c'mon if u have problems,share with me.
we're friends..what are friends for?
dont let words pull u down..
come as u are...as u were...
fuck the world if she hates you...i dont...
as bandmembers,ive become quite close to you n areyz.
areyz n me are here,if there's anything we can help..

im so sick of myself..
my bad habit of spending money like water..
spending too much..asking too much..forcing too much!
when i look into the mirror..i see someone superficial.
thats me..wearing things that im not suppose to..
im not rich..like my other friends..
who can just go to any ATM n withdraw money anytime!
who dont shiver or shaken when there's $200 in their hands..
im not jealous of u guys..its better to be this way..

u know what..we tend to hurt the people we love..
without knowing..if not,will only realise it after some time.
but wait...they hurt me too...so........?!
fuck them n fuck u too!!
except for my parents n my siblings...
if u think i dont deserve to be ur friend..tell me now!
if a guy my standard doesnt fit to be in ur Contacts, tell me!!!
when u told me that good friends are harder to find...
was i blind?
to know that in time...never trust anyone again...

2005-01-17T16:37:00.000+08:00

what's up fockers!!
woohoo was at the National Stadium yesterday...
1 of the many spectators who witnessed an unforgettable
victory...
i salute all the players who have done us proud...
indonesia did great too...seriously...
im proud of the teamwork n spirit of Team Singapore...
but still,i admire the flair n the build-up of Indonesia...
Singapore don't know how to build-up a play...
Shahril n Itimi,
both of you captured our attention yest...
Shahril destroyed Indo's play while
Itimi penetrated the right as if its so easy...
i should say that Lionel Lewis is the best since David Lee..

let's give some credit to Kurniawan n Ilham.
great players who are not from Spore.
Ilhan controlled n dominated the centre most of the game.
Hidup Melayu!!! mahu isap kretek??!!

2005-01-14T01:03:00.000+08:00

im such a bairn...

y am i so judgemental?
so conservative?
so f*cking senstitive?
just cannot let go of the past?

how can i tell her?so near yet so far....

ok ok dont be sad Farhan...tell them what uve done for the past few days.

lets see...hmmm...i passed my motorcycle prac 1.03 juz now..weweweweeee!
u go boy!tmr im having Riding Theory prac n on saturday, Riding
Theory evaluation..
n my next riding prac is on tues..heheee!!!

haiz still not happy after so many achivements..
what's happenig to you Farhan?
u asshole u!
im so scared to know the truth.the ultimate answer.
ive so many flaws..so many negative points...
im getting fatter each day...i can feel it..
i cant simply transfer those things into Anjakan Paradigma
its not that easy u know..

its like ive been thrown a lifeline...
is it the right time to use it? now?

n btw my cats are getting on my nerves..
they are starting to shit everywhere..
its so unlike them.
wat happened u guys? wat telah happen?
Abah wants me to release them by next week.
i admit its a burden looking after them but im a cat lover.
n the thing is,cats love me too...yoohoo!!
but still i cant have a cat to be my wife right..
hehehe shut up Farhan..u suck u know that?!

ok lah its 1.39am right now..i wanna slp..
wanna dream of her..biz girl,here i come to rescue you!

gd night to you..
not u dumbhead..the girl from biz dept is the one im referring to..

2005-01-06T21:41:00.000+08:00

entah ape nak buat hari ni eh..
ok lah mari aku puaskan hati korang dengan menulis satu entry skarang.

semalam wa tonton tu bon jovi nye concert dvd wa bollow dari sp nye library loh.
wa tengok dgn Eri kat ruma nenek loving each other wa.
tu jon blonde jovi ah wa ckp lu..suara dia mcm baru minum jolly shandy woi.
sedapnye mcm makan nasi dgn telur dgn kicap woi.
part dia nyanyi lagu ALWAYS tu ah..dia tarik tinggi malahan sedap ah.
ibarat ah mcm ada org cubit buah dia tu pasal dia nya suara tarik tinggi oi.
wa tarik layang2 pon takada mcm gitu nya tinggi oi.
wa sabonarnya nak bollow tu cita God Must Be Crazy part 1 n 2 ley.
tapi tu clerk cina bukit kata ah wa leh pinjam satu aja..
wah tu time ah wa nya hati manyak sakit woi.sesak nafas wa.
tapi yang terpelanjat ah bila wa nengok tu muka God Must Be Crazy ah,
wa teringat muka Taufik Batisah ley..serious..
yang sakit hati tu lu suma boleh belah rambut sudah.
wa takada care nye orang..soli ley.
wa nak bilang ah selayen tu blonde jovi ah.wa pon ada minat kat Marc Anthony ah.
suara dia boley buat wa naik shiok leh.nasib bayek tak steam woi.
kalau steam tu jennifer lapis nanti pon high nengok wa.

skalang out of topic.
wa ada lindu satu pompluan ey.tapi wa tanak bilang dia.
nanti dia ingat wa shiok kat dia.
gelenti dia mesti benci laici kat wa.nanti dia ckp wa plasan nya olang.
wa ada siket love kat dia ley.
tapi wa tak belani bilang dia.nanti persahabatan kita olang gelenti tak best lagi.
takpelah.biarlah wa kesaolangan mcm ini.wa lebeh suka woi.

eh ni si nadiah norman balu call wa.
si minah senget tu tak habes2 nak pinjam wa nya lanyard ley.
untok practical dia.lanyard dia nye anak bujang laki angkat dia nya anjing sudah telan loh.
bikin wa pusing saja la tu minah senget.
wa kerjakan dia balu dia tahu wo.
wa halap bila insyaallah wa ada motore ah,dia tak mintak tompamg ley.
kalau dia mintak tompang ah,wa tompang lempang ey.
wa kesian kat nadiah sebonarnya.
kesian pasal takda laki suka sama dia.
hahah..soli lah nadiah wa choking2 mah..
besok wa kene jumpa tu minah pukol 7.30 kat dober mrt ley.
nasib baik dia cicit makcik pak long bini angkat wa.

ok lah wa da naik lengoh type2 ni.
wa nak rebond bulu ketiak wa jap.
lepas tu wa nak afrokan bulu kaki wa.
ni kuceng2 wa ah da lama tak gi madi jacuzzi ley.
wa ada ingat nak anta diorang gi facial spa ley.
ketiak diolang ah bau mcm lu splay tu ridsect ah kat taik baby oi..
uwweeek!! naik naik loya intestines wa ..

ok lah ok lah..wa nak urut peha wa.
tadi main bola ada mamak negro ni main sondol wa nye peha.
wa ni bukannya gelap itam mcm dia.takkan lah dia tak nampak eh?
tadi wa solang paling muda main..ceh ceh ceh ploud nampak.
ada satu pundek ni dia nya badan mcm tu Arnold Susah nak eje
tapi kalah badan dgn wa.lembek mcm sipot sak.

ok lah babai..kepala babai
tak kisah samada lu pendek gemuk atau tinggi lampai.
tdo di katil mahupon di lantai
samada gigi lu mcm rabbit ataupon tupai
wa masih akan ckp goodbye..

"wabilahitaufikwalhidayah
wassalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatu" - petikan dari EHWAL ISLAM

haha

2005-01-03T21:43:00.000+08:00

do u know how it feels like when u love someone & u're not sure whether he or she is in love with u?
that's wat im feeling now.
i should say that we're close (not VERY close though) & she's treating me good enuff as a friend.
i really don't know what to do.
i think it's not the right time to "ask" her.ohh wat the hell i think that time will never ever come.
it will never happen..
my friends keep telling me that she's a great catch but they don't know...
just don't know how i feel inside..
im not promiscuous..well a lousy intro about me i guess..
sorry..
from the way she talks to me n touches me,i can see that she totally has no feelings towards me.
cause she'll be conservative in her actions if she does.
the hurt n disappointment i suffered & felt from my last so-called "fucked-up" relationship transformed me to be a stronger person.
n she's the one, the driven force behind me that time.
i bet she doesn't even know about it.
lets just end this with these words.......
to be continued...

kadang aku berfikir dapatkah kita terus cuba
mendayung perahu kita menyatukan ingin kita
sedang selalu saja silap yg kecil mengusik
bagai angin berhembus kencang goyangkan kaki kita

genggam tanganku jgn bimbang
tak usahlah lagi dikenang
daif diri yg pernah datang jadikan pengajaran sayang
dengar bisikanku oh dinda
cuba lapangkan dada kita
terima aku apa adanya jujur hati yg kita jaga

bila gundahmu tak menghilang
hentikan dulu dayung kita'
bila kau ingin lupakan daku
ku tak tahu apalah daya....

2004-12-23T20:13:00.000+08:00

hello we meet again..ada hot news lagi..
i was 'disturbed' when i was asleep yest.
someone msged me n its not nice..
haha that gal again..tak give up give up!
Wan dgn E da naik darah..
mati2 nak call si Aqilah
aku da ckps sabar korang tanak dengar.
kan ape dah jadi..sume kita nye salah

ok there's a singing comp coming up
Talentime..organised by SPSU.
shud or shudn i join?ntahlah..
shylah malulah seganlah.
here without u?
stay the same?
fixing a broken heart?
oklah ill tell Nadiah bout it..
nadiah!!!!can i join???

btw huda..
sorry abt wat hapd..its all my fault..
it wudnt have hapd if its not bcos of me.

Rap this out:

ive been used n ive been bruised
but actually i got nothin to lose
"i juz cudnt c y i was attracted to you"
shit!i shud've said dat 2 u too
guess wat girl,E called syukri
E asked for his permission,right b4 me
but it seems dat cowards r u two
cos u din answer when i called u
so whose d*ck r we suppose 2 cut?
urs?do u have the same private part?
Dear Aqilah,ure a gal,undastand it
intimidatin us guys?we're nt scared even a bit
now ure angry 4 wat ive done to you?
wudnt u feel e same if u were me too?
mean wat u say,keep ur promise
despite wat uve said,i know there's sthg amiss
its ok u nt being clever but don b stupid
those words,u know wat they mean damn it
tis is nt grousing cos its no small matter
saying these things 2 u make me feel better
maybe im a dud to ur eye
but its not u whom i wana satisfy
i dn mind if ive given u things
there're beta things to do,than u i wana convince
cantankerous-é word for u n me
being like dat makes our souls fly free
hey wait,i dn wana b like u..
scared of gettin flu
flu?haha i dn mean 2 b mean
but its always on u as it's naturally seen
so now lets forget wat ive said
forgive me 4 é mistakes ive made
our talk juz nw calms the Tsunami
i hope ull forgive Wan n E
u wan us 2 stil b friends rite?
u beta hold on 2 ur words tight
alrite gal no more grudges
it will make it worse
ya thanx 4 é memories
memories?haha its safe w me,no worries
im sorry 4 é things ive said
all é stupid things i did of late
i hope the mess is already cleaned
ill be sick n tired if it were to repeat again..